


Always the bridesmaid, never the bride.

by novaaa0502



Category: dream - Fandom, mcyt
Genre: Childhood Friends, Developing Relationship, F/M, Falling In Love, Flirting, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, No use of y/n, POV Female Character, Reader-Insert, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, Smut, Streamers - Freeform, YouTube
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-15 00:01:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 37,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29675316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/novaaa0502/pseuds/novaaa0502
Summary: 'I love him so much Nick, but he loves her. I'm always the bridesmaid, never the bride' I confessed to Nick.'Listen, when it comes down to it, he loves you more. Hell, he'd walk rings around the world if you asked him to' Nick smiled.------------------------------------------
Relationships: Clay | Dream/Reader, Sapnap/Reader, X Reader - Relationship
Comments: 241
Kudos: 314





	1. Meeting her

'She's really nervous so please tell them to be nice', Clay spoke through the phone.

I sighed, getting the boys to be on their best behaviour is not easy, but for Clay I can try.

'Okay, but no promises, you know how they are' I answered, laughing slightly at the end.

We spoke for a couple more minutes before Clay told me he would be over in a few hours.

I walked into the living room where both Nick and George were lounging on the obnoxiously large couch and flopped down resting my head against the back of the couch.

'Clay and his girlfriend are coming over in a few hours and he asked you both to be on your best behaviour', I spoke up after a few minutes.

Nick and George both nodded lazily, keeping their attention on the flat screen in front of them. I also tried to focus on whatever bullshit was playing on the tv but thoughts kept clouding my mind. What if his girlfriend doesn't like me? What if she's mean to us? Surely Clay wouldn't be with someone who is mean, right?

I was shook out of my thoughts by George waving his hand in front of me.

'You good? You were away with the fairies for a few minutes there', he laughed.

I smiled and shook my head, 'I'm good, just nervous to meet her'.

George nodded knowingly. It wasn't exactly a secret how I felt towards Clay, everyone seemed to noticed it if they looked hard enough. Everyone apart from Clay, that is.

Nick pulled me towards him and gave me a comforting hug, 'It'll be alright, shit happens and this might not be a forever thing. You know you'll always be his number one girl'.

I nodded, trying to let myself agree with him and turned my focus back to the screen in front of us. Before I knew it, the doorbell rang and the door swung open.

~~~~

'Nice to meet you!', the girl spoke softly, holding her hand out for me to shake.

My mouth was open slightly, being taken back by her beauty. She was gorgeous, which made me feel quite insecure being stood in front of her. George nudged me out of my daze and I quickly shook her hand, 'nice to meet you too', I smiled.

'Well, this is Laura', Clay beamed, smiling widely.

There was a pang in my chest as his excitement. I wanted to be the one who was making him this happy, not her. I hated how gorgeous she was, I hated how happy she made him, I hated how perfect she was. I excused myself from the hallway and scurried to the kitchen.

I leaned against the counter staring into nothing trying to collect my thoughts. 

'Hey', a voice jumped me back into reality. It was Clay.

'Hi', I smiled to him, walking into his arms as he held them out for me to hug him.

I pressed into the hug probably more than I should, savouring the feeling of being in his arms. He smelt the exact same as he always had, ever since we were kids. Fresh washing detergent and the cologne I bought him every Christmas. It made me smile.

My smile was short lived however as he spoke, 'What do you think of Laura so far?', he asked.

I reluctantly pulled away and looked at his face, searching for, I don't know what.

'I haven't really spoken to her but she seems nice so far', I nodded, hoping it would make him happy.

'She really is, I really like her and you're my best friend so you need to like her too', he said, excitement laced his deep voice.

Another pain shot through my chest, _I really like her. You're my best friend._ I tried my best to hide the disappointment on my face, not being able too find the words to reply.

Loud laughter finally took the attention away from me and onto wherever the noise came from, even her laugh was perfect. A grin spread across Clay's face as the laughter continued.

'Come on, let's see what's going on there', Clay suggested, pulling me towards the living room where everyone else had moved to.

~~~~

'Do you wanna order food?', I suggested to the group after another couple of hours.

Nick shot up, 'oh my god I thought you'd never ask, what food does everyone want?'.

I instinctively looked at Clay to see what he wanted but he had already turned to Laura. Oh yeah, I forgot about her.

'What do you want, babe' He asked her, smiling as he looked at her. I wish he looked at me like that, I wish he asked me what I wanted to eat, I wished he called me babe.

She shrugged and looked at me, 'What do you think? I'll have what you want to have', she smiled. _Your boyfriend._

I stuttered trying to think of a place everyone would enjoy eating from, I turned to Nick who had a very specific look on his face I had grew to understand. 'How about McDonalds?', I asked. 

Nick clapped, 'WOOO, you know me so well!', he pulled out his phone and passed it around the group for everyone to put in their order. Clay and Laura were hunched over Nicks phone, both looking for a meal to share, laughing with each other.

George, who was sat next to me, elbowed my side softly, 'you're good at hiding your emotions but your face isn't', he said loud enough for only me to hear. I soon realised that my face had twisted into a look of distaste , underlying with jealousy. I sighed and groaned slightly, leaning against George's shoulder. He wrapped his arms around me and lightly rubbed my arm in an attempt to comfort me, 'It's only a few more hours, you'll be okay'.

I nodded and looked back up, catching Clay's eyes who was already burning into me, a foreign look on his face as he looked at me and George. I couldn't decipher the look and he looked away quickly before he turned his focus back towards his girlfriend.

The rest of the day went by smoothly, nothing too eventful happening. Clay and Laura were now about to leave. Laura walked up to me and pulled me into a hug, I felt the boys watching us as I hugged her back before I pulled away quickly, a tight lipped smile resting on my face. 'Once again, it was nice to meet you! I really hope we can be friends', she spoke, a genuine tone of voice.

Nick barked out a laugh before covering it up with a cough as George slapped the back of his head, somehow not drawing any attention to themselves.

I nodded, 'Me too, it was nice meeting you too', I replied as I was pulled into a hug by Clay. 'I'll be back round tomorrow, Laura has to work but I'm free so leave the door unlocked for me'. _The door is always unlocked for you, Clay._

The three of us nodded as he pulled away and grabbed Laura's hand to walk out the house. 'See you tomorrow guys!' He called before closing the door behind him. I released a breath I had been holding in and leaned against the back of the door, secretly breathing in the scent Clay left behind.

'Well, I think that went better than expected', Nick spoke out after a few minutes, making both me and George nod. We all walked back into the living room. Both knowing I needed the comfort right now, they sat on either side of me, spreading a blanket over us all and putting our favourite film to watch on Netflix. We always watched the same film when one of us was upset.

'How do you feel?', Nick asked after a few minutes of silence.

I shrugged, 'I don't know how to feel about it, this is just something I have to get used to now'. 

It was silence again after this, but the silence was nice, it was needed right now.

'Thank you', I mumbled to the boys before focusing back on the film in front of us.


	2. Girl Crush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I want to taste her lips, yeah cause they taste like you.
> 
> \---------------

'You ate all my leftovers!', Nick screamed when I walked into the kitchen holding a clean plate. In my defence, it was the only food we had left since none of us had been bothered to go shopping and I didn't really want an old tin of soup.

I shrugged and began to wash my plate, 'well you should've eaten it sooner then, big man', I snickered back.

George watched in to see what the commotion was, only to be bombarded by Nick and his complaining. 'George, tell her that she can't eat my leftovers. Only I can eat my leftovers, because the leftovers are my leftovers, no one else's leftovers', he rambled.

George simply blinked, slowly, as if he was trying to process whatever the fuck Nick had just said. 'Uhm, did you label them as your leftovers?', he asked. It was a bit of an unspoken rule in this house that if you want to reserve food for yourself, you have to label it with your name.

Nick sighed and lowered his head, 'No, I didn't'.

'Then how was she supposed to know that they were your leftovers, huh?', George asked again.

I laughed to myself as I finished washing the dishes whilst the boys continued their conversation about the stupid leftovers.

'I'm going to shower before Clay comes. Make sure the house doesn't look like a complete bomb site', I interrupted, making the boys roll their eyes.

'It's only Clay, he's the messiest of all of us, you know full well that he won't care how messy the house is', Nick pointed out. It was my turn to roll my eyes. 'I know, but it's nice to have a clean house and I've already done the dishes so stop being lazy and get cleaning', I finalised before walking upstairs and to the bathroom, getting a clean towel on the way.

I put on my shower playlist and turned the water on way too hot but it was relaxing. The stress of having to be nice to Laura was already getting to me. It's not that she wasn't a good person, she was perfect a perfect. It's the fact that she's Clay's perfect person. If she was with anyone else I would probably be yearning to be her friend because of how genuine and kind she is. I think that's what makes it more annoying, there is nothing bad about her, so there is nothing that could sabotage their relationship. Not that I would do that... _right?_

I sang along to the music and, not to suck my own dick, I sound pretty good. I had always loved singing and music because I think it's a great way to convey whatever emotions you're feeling. Me and the boys used to play music whenever we couldn't put your emotions into words but we haven't done that for a long time.

The music flowed around the room and I softly sang along... _I've got a girl crush, hate to admit it but, I've got a heart rush, ain't slowing down._ I thought about it for a moment, this song perfectly describes how I feel at the moment, so I turned it up and sang louder. The house was pretty big, so I knew Nick and George couldn't hear me from downstairs.

_I wanna taste her lips, yeah 'cause they taste like you. I wanna drown myself in a bottle of her perfume._

The song continued and before I had time to think more into, it ended. I sighed and took this as my queue to get out the shower. I quickly dried off and wrapped the towel around me before swinging the door open, steam rushing out into the hallway. However, I wasn't expecting a tall figure to be leaning against the wall outside the door to be stood there. I yelped as I realised it was Clay.

'Your singing has gotten better since the last time I heard it', He smiled down at me with soft eyes, making a soft vermillion red spread across my cheeks.

'Thank you', I mumbled, pulling the towel tighter around my body to make sure nothing was on display that shouldn't be, _not that I would care_.

'I got here like thirty minutes ago and came to find where you were and I heard you singing to I stayed to listen, I hope you don't mind', he laughed lightly. _Of course I don't mind, I never mind when it comes to you._

I shook my head and laughed with him, 'It's fine. I'm gonna get dressed now though, I'm not really...uh, covered', I pointed out, motioning to my towel.

Clay only just noticed my appearance and seemed to look me up and down, causing another wave of heat to prickle my cheeks. 'Yeah, of course, I'll meet you downstairs', he coughed out awkwardly before turning and swiftly walking back downstairs, leaving me alone outside the bathroom. I let out a shaky breath and scurried into my room to find some comfy clothes to lounge in. We never do anything fancy when I hang with the boys, we usually just game or watch movies so there was no need to dress up. _Unless Clay likes it when you dress up all pretty, just for him._ I shook the thought from my head and proceeded to throw on some simple black joggers and an oversized hoodie, which upon further inspection, turned out to be Nick's.

I skipped down the stairs and lazily threw myself onto the couch, resting my feet on Nick's lap as both him and Clay were arguing about something. 'What's going on?', I asked once I was comfortable with a blanket wrapped around me.

'Clay want to watch a film but Nick wants us all to play on the play station', George answered, seemingly already annoyed at the bickering that was happening between the two boys.

'Do we even have enough controllers?' I questioned, not remembering ever buying enough for 4 people.

'We only have three, which is why I'm saying we can watch a film instead', Clay answered.

'But we can just take turns playing the games, come on please can we play on the play station', Nick practically begged as if he was a child begging his parents to let him stay awake passed his bedtime.

'George, what do you want to do?', Clay asked turning his attention to the shorter brunette.

'I'm not getting in the middle of this, I'll be fine with whatever gets chosen', he was quick to answer.

'Okay then, what do you want to do? Film, or gaming?', Clay then asked me. I was inclined to do whatever Clay wanted to do because I wanted to see him happy, but then again, that isn't fair on Nick. 'Just do rock, paper, scissors', I suggested, not wanting to upset either of them.

Both their faces lit up as if I had just discovered gravity all over again, 'Alright!', Clay clapped his hands together and rubbed them together.

They both turned to each other, faces going back to serious, lifting their hands. 'Best of three? Or do we only have one shot?', Nick asked.

George was quick to jump back into the conversation, 'Only one game, we don't need to draw it out longer than we already have'.

They nodded and spoke up in unison, 'Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!', Clay held up a rock, while Nick held up paper.

'Ha! I win!', he jumped up causing my feet to fall to the floor with a soft thud. Clay grumbled under his breath about how it was unfair and they should rematch.

'I won fair and square, boohoo cracker!', Nick shouted, making me and George cackle at the inside joke that we had had for years after Clay said it one time when he won a competition with us all.

We set up the play station and I offered to sit the first few games of whatever they were going to play out so I could make them all lunch. They all agreed and turned their attention to the screen, already shouting out loud as the game started.

I smiled to myself as I began to make sandwiches for us all. I loved days like this, it reminded me of when we all lived together, before Clay moved in with his girlfriend that we had never even met before. It reminded me of when we were younger and we used to alternate whose house we would go to after schools to watch films or play games.

I finished making the sandwiches and grabbed everybody a water bottle before walking back into the living room. The boys cheered when they saw the food and began eating before I ever had a chance to sit down. As I was going to sit down however, Clay pulled me towards him to sit between his legs on the floor while he sat on the edge of the couch, my back facing him. I was confused at first but when he leaned over and brought the controller in front of me, I understood what he was implying.

I grabbed hold of the controller as another game started and he leaned back to finish his sandwich. A few minutes passed and I was doing okay at the game, not the best but not the worst. Still, it wouldn't hurt to have some help. As if he had read my mind, Clay leaned forward again and placed his hands on top of mine, using his fingers to guide mine.

I became very aware of his hot breath against my neck, which caused a shiver to run down my spine and my eyes to flutter shut for a quick second. I ever so slightly leaned back into him, trying to get as close as possible without actually making it noticeable to him, or the others in the room.

'If you go this way and then shoot, you'll find it easier to run away after', he spoke into my ear, sending yet another shiver down my back. My face was probably the colour of a tomato which, thankfully he couldn't see. However, Nick could see. He caught my eye and wiggled his eyebrows, making me glare back at him but blush even more than I already was.

The interaction however, was cut short as Clay's phone began to ring, making him shoot back as if he had just realised what he was doing. He fumbled with the pocket of his jeans to get his phone out and swiftly answered with a surprisingly calm, 'Hello?'

I felt cold now that Clay had moved and a small pout made it's was onto my lips. 'Yeah, okay I'll be there in a few minutes, bye, I love you too'. _I love you too._

'Sorry that was Laura, her car won't start so she's stuck at work and I need to pick her up', he spoke reluctantly. 

'Just tell her to get a taxi, it's not that far, she could even walk', Nick suggested, wanting Clay to stay seemingly as much as I did.

'I already told her I would pick her up, I can't just bail on her', Clay answered, standing up to leave.

'But you can bail on us?', George quipped, shocking me and Nick slightly.

'I- what? No, she just needs help getting home', He spoke, face showing no emotion but voice laced with annoyance at George.

I grabbed Clay's arm from the floor as he began to leave the room, making him turn to me. 'Please stay, I'll even pay for her taxi. We haven't gotten to see you properly in a while because you've always been with her', I tried to convince him.

His eyes stayed focus on my hand on his arm before slowly looking at me, eyes full of an emotion I couldn't quite put my finger on. His jaw tensed, barely noticeable and he shook his head as if he was shaking away intrusive thoughts before speaking up again, 'I have to, I said I'd be there in a few minutes'.

I dropped my hand, making him sigh. 'Okay', was all I said as I turned my attention back to the game Nick and George had focused their eyes on, though they weren't paying much attention to it.

'I'm sorry', he attempted to apologise. 'You better make it up to us Clay', Nick spoke up, half joking half serious.

Clay nodded as he spoke a quiet 'goodbye' and left to go to Laura. _He left us for her._

'If he bails on us like that again, I will personally cut the breaks on his car', George smiled, making me and Nick laugh, lightening the mood.

'When we all get partners, never let each other do shit like that', Nick kept laughing as he spoke.

'When? You mean _if._ You both would have to be lucky to get girls to put up with your bullshit considering how annoying you both are', I cackled through my words.

Nick and George both gasped in fake hurt, Nick throwing some left over sandwich at me.

'Like you're any better! You're the most annoying off all of us!', George turned to me, pointing an accusing finger.

We all continued to laugh and I shook my head. _I'm glad I have these two._

I turned my focus back to the tv as the three of us continued to play whatever bullshit game we were playing, laughter still flying through the air. _So glad._


	3. Jealous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm jealous of the way you're happy without me.
> 
> cw - light smut at the beginning.
> 
> \-------------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all are enjoying the story so far!!! Thank you for reading :))

_His hands slowly ran down my body, from my face, down my neck, down the curves of my hips and gripped onto the skin around the area roughly, eliciting a quiet moan from my mouth right into his._

_Our lips worked together perfectly, tongues dancing as if they had been destined to dance together until the end of time. My hands found their way to the back of his neck, resting at the base of his hair and tugged lightly. A gruff, breathy moan slipped from his lips, sending icy hot shivers down my spine._

_'I need you', he spoke slowly, pulling away so our lips were barely touching, voice dripping with lust._

_I whined in response, 'Please, do anything', I practically begged._

_He smirked at me, 'I like it when you beg', he said, lying us down on my bed, him on top of me, slotting himself between my legs._

_I gasped at the change in position before leaning up into his ear and whispered, 'Please, Clay'._

_His eyes fluttered shut for a quick second and he growled lowly as he rolled his hips, provoking both of us to release a moan._

_Clay looked at me, looking confused, 'wake up', he said._

_I stopped all movement and stared back with just as much confusion as him, 'what?', I asked._

_'I said, wake up...!'_

I shot up in bed, almost knocking George who had leaned over me in an attempt to wake me up. My heart rate was through the roof and the throbbing between my legs was borderline painful.

'What the fuck were you dreaming about?', George asked, a subtle smirk on his face, knowing he had caught me.

'N-nothing, go away shithead', I pushed him off my bed with my foot making him stumble before steadying himself, a deep blush shrouding my face.

'Get up, Clay and Laura are here. They said they need to ask us something but we all need to be there, so hurry up', He explained motioning downstairs.

I nodded as he left, 'Oh, George', I called before he left, making him swivel to face me.

'Tell no one', I ordered, referring to my dream. George laughed loudly, a smirk spreading across his face once again. He mimed himself locking his mouth and relief filled my veins as he walked out the room once again.

Did I really have a sex dream about Clay? The thought of it made the throbbing between my legs all the more noticeable and I hurriedly made my way to the bathroom to splash my face with cold water before I got too riled up. 

I quickly changed out of my pyjamas into some leggings and another one of Nick's hoodies, sprayed some perfume and rushed downstairs, not wanting to keep everybody waiting more than I already had.

'Finally! Took you long enou- is that my hoodie?' Nick spoke as soon as I walked into the living room.

I looked down as the hoodie, shrugged and answered a quick, 'probably', and plopped down next to George who looked at me with a shit eating grin, making me hit him around the back of the head.

Clay let out a small wheeze, 'what the hell was that for?', he asked.

Both me and George shook our heads, George laughing along with Clay whilst I muttered, 'nothing'.

'What did you need us for anyway, Clay', Nick turned the attention back to Clay and Laura. _Clay and Laura._

'Oh! Yeah I forget for a second', Clay smiled. 'Well, our apartment needs some renovation doing but we've been told that we can't stay there until it's done. Is there any chance we can stay here until it's done? If that's okay with you guys of course', Clay asked hopefully. _It's always okay for you to stay here, Clay._

Nick, George and I all eyed each other, waiting for one of us to start talking.

'We promise we'll be good, we'll help with house work and we can pay rent if you need us to', Laura spoke up, looking at me, seemingly the only other person apart from Clay she was comfortable with here. _I had a sex dream about your boyfriend._

'Well, I don't see why not, your old room is still here and it's not being used for anything else', Nick spoke slowly, still looking at me and George.

'Yeah, and you don't need to pay rent, we're helping you out, it won't cost anything, don't worry', George added.

Clay and Laura turned back to me, waiting for my response, 'I mean, majority rule isn't it', I nervously laughed. The idea of both Clay and Laura staying with us made my stomach churn. I was fine when they weren't here, I just had to try not to think about them together, but now I'll have to see it everyday in front of my very eyes.

Clay clapped his hands together, 'great! It'll be like old times!'. _Except this time she's here._

'How long for', I asked, realising no one had even mentioned it.

Laura spoke up, 'three to four weeks I think they said?', making Clay nod in confirmation. 

_Fucking fabulous._

~~~~~~~~

The day passed quite quickly and Clay and Laura had finished bringing over their necessities from their apartment and unpacking in Clay's old room. I was sat in my room, browsing the internet on my laptop, bored out of my mind. Suddenly, there was a soft knock at my door, a knock I didn't recognise to be any of the boys.

'Come in', I spoke, looking up to see Laura open the door and walk in. I sat up and closed my laptop, motioning for her to sit on my bed with me.

'I wanted to come and thank you again for letting us stay here, it's really generous of you', she spoke genuinely with a natural smile on her perfect features. Insecurity washed over me as I quickly took in her features. Light makeup brought out her blue eyes and her hair, a similar colour to Clay's sat loosely curled down her back. The perfect woman. _Why don't I look like that._

I smiled back, 'It's no problem, Clay used to live here so it was lucky we didn't turn it into a different room yet'.

She nodded before speaking again, 'I really hope we can be friends, I don't have many girl friends in the area so it's nice to be around you. We're going to be around each other a lot these next few weeks so I'm excited to get to know you more!', her kindness was sickening, how can one be so nice?

'Yeah, I'm looking forward to it', I answered, lying through my teeth. _This is going to be hell._

'Anyway, I came in here to tell you that we're all gonna watch a film if you want to join', she spoke again after a few seconds of silence. I nodded and agreed, letting her know I'd be there in a couple minutes as she left.

I sighed to myself. I can't live like this for a few weeks. I can't be angry at her, she's done nothing wrong. I just need to get over myself and suck it up. Be her friend. _Right?_

~~~~~~~~~~~

My previous thoughts were pushed to the back of my mind as I walked into the living room to see Clay and Laura cuddled up together under a blanket, laughing at one side of the couch. _Three to four weeks of this bullshit._ I rolled my eyes and instantly walked right back out and into the kitchen, getting myself some snacks as well as a well deserved cup of tea.

As I was boiling the kettle, I started to hum along to a song that had popped into my head, soon enough I began softly singing as I prepared my tea for the hot water.

_it's hard for me to say, I'm jealous of the way, you're happy without me..._

I sang different parts of the song, whatever lyrics I remembered in whatever order they came to me in. Songs like these seemed to be the bane of my existence right now. I finished making my tea and looked around for the snacks I wanted for the film. 

_I'm jealous of the nights, that I don't spend with you..._

'You're amazing at singing', Laura's voice startled me, causing me to drop the cereal bars I was reaching for.

'Oh', I blushed deeply at my clumsiness, 'thank you,' I answered as I picked up what I had dropped.

'Nick sent me in here to see what was taking you so long', she laughed. I laughed along with her. _Might as well try to be friendly with her._

'Of course he did, come on then, I've got what I wanted', I ushered us both back into the room where the boys were, both of us sitting down on the couch. Her sat cuddled with Clay, me leant with my back against Nick, legs stretched in front of me, cereal bars and cup of tea in hand, I offered one to Nick who thanked me as he took it. 

'First you steal my hoodie, and now you're using me as a human pillow, what is your issue', Nick joked making me scoff. 'Oh shut up, you love it', I sassed back. Clay looked over at the conversation, face contorting into a look I had noticed the previous times me and Nick had exchanges like this. I stared back at him, furrowing my eyebrows which made him look away quickly and turn his focus to George who was asking what film to put on. 

We settled on some bullshit rom-com I wasn't interested in but didn't want to argue with everyone else. Half way through the film I looked over at Clay and Laura to see Laura had fallen asleep, nestled into Clay who was rubbing small circles on her arm with his thumb. I must have been staring too long because George let out an obnoxious cough, catching my attention. I quipped my head to look at him and he gave me a knowing stare and I realised I had been caught staring with a look of distaste yet again. I sighed and tried to focus on the rest of the film.

\------

The film finished at about midnight. Nick stood up which caused me to fall backwards to where he was sitting. He laughed and stretched, muscles tense from being sat in the same position near enough the entire film. George stood up also, 'I'm gonna head to bed, I didn't sleep last night', he informed us and left to go to bed after we all nodded in acknowledgement. 

Clay carefully stood up and also stretched before picking Laura up effortlessly. 'I think it's bedtime for us', he motioned towards Laura with his head with a small laugh. 'I'll see you both tomorrow', he said as he walked out staring at Laura, nothing but love in his eyes.

'I hate how perfect they are', I said to Nick as I stood up, my turn to stretch. Nick flopped back down onto the couch, pulling me to sit with him. 'I know these next few weeks are going to be difficult for you, so please remember that I'll always listen to you if you need to talk, okay?'.

I nodded as he pulled me into a tight hug, 'Thank you, I appreciate it more than you know Nicky', I breathed in his familiar scent of a musky cologne and somehow a vague trace of cinnamon.

'Are you smelling me?', Nick asked, humour lacing his voice.

I cackled, not breaking the hug, 'don't ruin the moment, just let it happen'.

Nick chuckled in response and squeezed into the hug tighter, the tension of the day easing away, but only for a short moment.

'Am I interrupting something?', Clay's voice broke up apart and we looked towards him, his jaw clenched, confusing me slightly.

'No man, just having a bro to bro moment', Nick answered making me forget about the confusion and wheeze out a laugh.

Clay nodded slowly and strode to where both he and Laura previously sat. 'I forgot my phone', he explained. Nick and I nodded standing up to also leave for bed. Clay ruffled both our heads, whatever negative emotion he previously had, was no where to be seen. 'Goodnight bitches', he laughed before leaving to go back to his bedroom.

Nick and I laughed along with each other at the exchange. 'I'm gonna sleep now too', I spoke up pulling Nick into a quick hug again. 'Goodnight bitch', I mirrored Clay's words, making Nick holler out another laugh.

'Goodnight, sleep well', he called as I walked out the room and up the stairs for bed.

_At least I can count on Nick to keep me sane._


	4. Make you feel my love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's nothing I wouldn't do, to make you feel my love.
> 
> \--------------------

The first couple of days went by without too many hiccups. Yes, there were still sour looks between me and the _happy couple_ but also sour looks coming from Clay whenever me and Nick cuddled, or I wore his clothing which confused me. We had always been like this, so why was it seemingly an issue for Clay now?

Anyway, it was about 6pm and I was making my way towards the kitchen to get myself a snack. As I was scavenging the cupboards for anything that appealed to me, Laura waltzed in, face lighting up when she saw me. 'I was about to come looking for you! I'm going to bake some cupcakes and I wanted to know if you wanted to help', she smiled at me.

I blinked at her for a moment. This could be a good bonding session for us, if she's going to be living with me for a few weeks then I need to try to be friendly with her. Whether she's with the man I love or not.

I smiled back genuinely and agreed, causing her to jump in excitement and clap. I can see why Clay loves her, she's so bubbly all the time and doesn't seem to have a bad bone in her body. 'I already bought the ingredients. I didn't know what flavour everyone liked so I got vanilla, chocolate and red velvet', she informed me.

'We can do them all if you want, Nick would want the red velvet and George would want the chocolate', I told her.

'And Clay loves vanilla, he's a simple guy', I added.

Laura laughed under her breath and muttered, 'well...', which caused me to cough and look at her, eyes wide. She blushed deeply when she realised I had heard what she said. We looked at each other before barking out laughs and returning to getting the ingredients ready. _So, Clay isn't vanilla. Good to know._

We started mixing together the dry ingredients in three separate bowls for the different flavours as I sparked a conversation, 'do you enjoy baking?'

Laura seemed to visibly relax at the mention of baking, 'I love it, my mum and I used to bake something a couple times a week and it's always been something that calms me down', she answered honestly.

'Used to?', I repeated her words, slightly confused at her choice of words.

She nodded as she began to cracks eggs into a different bowl, 'My family lives a couple hours away, I moved here for university but it wasn't really my thing. I loved it here though and I didn't want to move back home so I ended up getting a job at a coffee shop, renting a flat and moved here permanently', Laura told me.

I hummed along with what she was saying so she knew I was listening, 'How did you meet Clay then? Clay did online uni so I know you guys didn't meet there, and you don't seem like the type of person to do a computer science course', I asked. I was genuinely curious because I knew all three of the boys did computer science and she just didn't seem like the type to do that too, I also didn't know much about her and how they met.

She smiled widely at the thought of Clay, remembering the moment they both met, 'it's a funny story actually', she laughed lightly. 

'He came to the coffee shop I worked at and I dropped his order all over him, I was so embarrassed but he ensured me it was okay. I offered to buy him a new shirt but he refused and asked for a number instead', she concluded. _Reminder to drop coffee over him on Clay._

I laughed as we carried on making the batter and before long we were putting the batter in the cupcakes cases and putting them in the oven, 'they'll be reading in about 18 minutes', Laura nodded and she began washing the dishes we had used.

'Thank you for baking with me, it's nice to have a break from being around Clay all the time', she turned to me after finishing washing the dishes. Her calm persona really was a nice balance compared to the loudness of the boys.

'It's okay, I really enjoyed it', I smiled at her. It wasn't a lie, I enjoyed it more than I thought I would. She was actually a fun person to be around and she makes me laugh so that's a bonus.

'I'll set an alarm and come get you when the cupcakes are done so we can decorate them', Laura said as she started to walk out the kitchen and head upstairs.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I stayed in the kitchen for a few more minutes before deciding to go to the dining room. The dining room wasn't too big. It was big enough for a table of 6, and surprisingly, a piano in the corner. We originally bought it for me, but put it in the dining room as a joke if people wanted to play whilst we were eating to make it feel 'fancy'.

I sat at the piano and carelessly played a few notes and chords, not really trying to do anything special. After a few minutes of repeating this process, and voice behind me made me jump in my seat, 'I haven't heard you play in a long time'.

I turned to see Clay leaning against the door frame, arms crossed. 'You haven't been here', I answered turning back to the piano. I always used to play and sing to all the boys when Clay lived here, I don't do it so much now because it used to be him who would suggest it.

Clay sighed and walked over to sit at one of the chairs at the table. 'I know, I'm sorry, I know I need to visit you guys more often but we're all living here together for a few weeks now. It can be like old times again', he spoke slowly.

I lazily nodded and stilled my movements, making him speak up once again, 'play something for me, I miss hearing you sing along with it everyday'. My heart fluttered and I held back a happy sigh. I began playing and a smile spread across his face instantly. _I would play until my fingers begged me to stop if it meant I got to see him smile like that._

I let my fingers dance over the keys of the piano, not thinking about what song I should play, just letting it happen. I subconscious recognised the song and before I knew it, I was singing along.

_'When the rain is blowing in your face, and the whole world is on your case...',_ My mind was blank and the words flowed out of me without any thought to it, as if I had sang this song a million times before.

The song progressed and I kept singing, _'I'd go hungry, I'd go black and blue. I'd go crawling down the avenue'._ I could feel Clay's eyes burning into the back of my head, watching intently as I kept playing and singing.

The song was coming to an end and I could feel the emotion my voice was portraying, but Clay was oblivious to the underlying message behind it, far too focused on the _way_ the words danced around his head, rather than the reason _why_ they were dancing for him.

_'Nothing I wouldn't do, go to the ends of the Earth for you. To make you feel my love, to make you feel my love'._ The song came to a close and we sat in silence, the only sound being my heavy breathing from having sang my heart out and the quite hum of the final chord, softly dissipating into the air.

'I'm always blown away every time I hear you sing, you're amazing at it', Clay spoke in awe, making me blush softly, embarrassingly quick. 'Thank you', I mumbled, looking down.

He leant over and tilted my chin up with his fingers, 'I'm serious, it's so endearing. I love hearing you sing', Clay said, looking right into my eyes. My breath got caught in my throat and the heat on my cheeks got hotter as the soft blush turned to a deeper red, making Clay hum quietly as if he was proud of himself. _Cocky bastard._ He kept his eyes locked onto mine, before flicking to my lips then back to my eyes. The moment was tense, the air around us becoming thick. I audibly swallowed. _Fuck._

Before I could even blink, Clay jolted back and sat down to where he previously was. A split second later, Laura came in, her alarm softly playing, 'the cupcakes are ready!'

I shot up and practically ran to the kitchen, pulling Laura with me, not giving her time to greet her boyfriend. 'Someone's excited!', she laughed. _More than you know._

We spent around half an hour decorating the cupcakes, and if I may say so myself, they looking fucking beautiful. I clapped once we had fully finished, 'we did so good, holy fuck!', I smiled, taking a photo of them.

Laura smiled with me, 'we did! I bet they taste amazing. Call for the boys to taste test', she suggested, making me nod in agreement. I messaged the group chat telling them all to come downstairs, however they only agreed once I told them food was involved. They all came running in from different directions looking like excited puppies. 

'We made cupcakes!', Laura beamed turning around to face them, holding the plates of cupcakes.

The boys cheered as Laura placed them down on the island in the middle of the kitchen. They crowded around the plates and slapped Clay's hand away as he reached for one, making me laugh as he pouted. 'You have to taste test each flavour and tell us which one you like the best', she told them, making them nod.

She handed each of them a vanilla one to start with, watching intently as they all took a bite, immediately moaning at the taste. 'Oh my god, how can vanilla be so good', Nick spoke up from next to me. 'This one is my favourite', Clay nodded making me scoff, 'you haven't tried the other yet, stupid'. Clay looked at me and stuck his tongue out like a child, resulting in me giving him the middle finger, whatever tension there was between us earlier, completely gone.

I handed each of them a red velvet cupcake and watched as they all took another bite, eliciting another round of groans of happiness. 'These are so good', Nick was the first to speak again. George nodded along somehow shoving the whole cupcake in his mouth, grinning around his mouthful of food. Clay agreed with Nick and finished his cupcake.

Laura gave each of the boys the final chocolate cupcake to try. George was quick to speak, 'fuck me, these are my favourite', the two others boys nodding along. 'You did a great job, baby', Clay praised, looking at Laura. My smile faltered slightly, knowing I also made the cupcakes. Laura beamed but motioned to me, 'She also helped, it wasn't just me'. My smile returned, mentally thanking Laura. _She's not so bad._

Nick wrapped his arm around me, 'I think you guys should get to try your own masterpieces', he lifted part of the chocolate cupcake to my mouth, eying me as I opened my mouth and he softly pushed the cake into my mouth, his fingers grazing my lips lightly. We hadn't had a moment like this in a long time. I stared at him as I chewed before my eyes widened, 'well fuck me sideways, these are immaculate'. Clay was watching me and Nick, no expression on his face apart from a barely noticeable frown. No one else would have noticed but considering I had known him since we were kids, I could recognise any one of his subtle looks. I raised an eyebrow at him, causing him to softly shake his head and turn his attention back to Laura.

'We should make some of these for your birthday', George suggested, grabbing another cupcake. Laura gasped, 'when is your birthday! We need to have a party so then I have an excuse to mass produce these babies!'.

Clay spoke as he stood up straight, walking to the fridge to get a bottle of water, 'it's this weekend. On Saturday.'

'What! Why did no one tell me! I have so much to do in so little time!!', Laura frantically grabbed her phone and started writing notes. 'We're having a party, I'm going to prepare so many cakes we will be drowning in batter'. I laughed at her antics , not having the heart to tell her no. A party might be nice, I have an excuse to drink away my feelings and forget about Clay for the night, and possibly flirt with Nick like the good old days.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Laura was still planning the party after a few hours. She ordered Clay to message all our friends and tell them what time they need to arrive and to bring as much alcohol as they wanted. She was handling this surprisingly well, although she seemed to get a little annoying at Clay whenever he refused to help, other than that, she didn't appear to be stressed at all.

'How is she not ripping her hair out yet?', I questioned as I sat with Clay on the couch, watching her scribble down notes on a piece of paper instead of her phone. He laughed while watching her, eyes full of love, 'she does party planning on the side for extra money, she's in her element'.

I nodded and stood up from where I had been sitting for a while, it was very late, the cupcakes took some time to make and we all talked for a few hours in the kitchen before people dispersed and went their own ways. 'I think I'm gonna sleep, just watching her plan this is making me tired', I joked. Clay stood up too, 'Me too, she's not going to sleep until she's done, which won't be for a while so I don't want to wait for her'. I felt a little bad, leaving Laura downstairs to plan a huge party by herself, but like Clay said, she's in her element.

We both said goodnight to Laura, only getting a lazy wave of acknowledgement in return before we walked out the room and up the stairs. When we got to the top of the stairs, Clay's hand reached out to stop me from walking down the hallway to my room. I glanced at his hand on my forearm then looking at him, head tilted, a silent way of telling him to talk.

'I know Laura already talked to you about it but I also wanted to thank you for letting us stay here. We would've had to stay at her parents and they live a few hours away if you guys hadn't had said yes', he spoke.

Smiling, I shook my head, 'It's no problem, we all missed having you here. I missed having you here', my voice getting quiet at the end of sentence. He let go of my arm and leant against the wall next to him, rubbing the back of his neck. 'I know I haven't been seeing you guys as much now that I'm living with Laura, but I just, I really love her and I don't want to lose her so I need to be around her, you know?'

I leant against the opposite wall, facing him, 'what about us? You're going to lose us if you spend less and less time with us', I warned. I wasn't wrong, and he knew that. It'll develop into him spending all his time with her, and no time with us. Even if that sounds selfish, it's the truth. All of us rely on spending time with each other to stay friends, but with Clay spending less and less time with us, it makes it difficult to keep up the friendship.

It's not like we don't try either, we ask daily for Clay to hang out with us, whether that was coming over to watch a film and game, go out for a meal, going for a walk or even a drive around the area. But 9/10 times, he declined because he was with her.

He sighed, not answering which irritated me, 'Is that what you want? To distance yourself from us?', I asked, voice showing my annoyance.

'No, that's not what I'm saying', he replied. I was quick to answer, 'then what are you saying?'

Clay also seemed to be getting annoyed now, his jaw clenching, 'I'm saying that this could be it for me, she could be it for me, and I don't want to do anything or be around anything that might fuck that up'. _She could be it for me._

'And what? We're the ones who'll fuck it up?'

Clay groaned, 'No, you're not listening-', I scoffed and interrupted him, 'Not listening? Clay do you not hear yourself? You're implying that you don't want to be around us in case we fuck it up for you. If _you_ fuck it up then that's all on you, it has nothing to do with me, Nick or George so don't you dare blame that on us', I pointed an accusing finger at him.

He opened his mouth to retaliate, a sharp look on his face but I was quick to speak up again, 'You're twenty-one. You don't _need_ to settle down yet, you already made a huge step in choosing to live with her. You don't need to move so fast, let yourself live a little, yeah?', I pushed off the wall and walked away to my room before he had a chance to reply.

No way that motherfucker really thinks we would be the ones to fuck it up? What possible reason would him being around us fuck up his relationship? Nick wouldn't fuck it up, George wouldn't fuck it up. He didn't think _I_ would be the one to fuck it up, did he?


	5. 34 + 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can you stay up all night? Fuck me 'til the daylight.
> 
> cw - smut ;)
> 
> \---------------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the positive feedback! I really appreciate it! :)) I WROTE THIS DURING ONLINE CLASS LMAO

It was the day of the party, my birthday and Laura was rushing around somehow multitasking decorating the house whilst also baking the cakes. I still felt a little bad because she was planning this all by herself, but honestly, she seemed like she was enjoying it.

'Are you sure you don't need me to help?', I offered when I walked into the kitchen at 11am, noticing the almost invisible tired look. 'Have you slept yet?', I asked again, before she had even answered my previous question.

She waved her hand as if to brush me off, 'All you need to do today is look pretty, let me handle all this. I'll sleep when I'm dead', she joked as she put another batch of cupcakes in the oven.

I smiled and sat at the island watching at how she somehow effortlessly waltzed around the kitchen decorating the room and decorating the cakes. 'Thank you for doing this, Laura. I've never really had a proper birthday party', I spoke up after a few minutes.

'What! You don't need to thank me, love. It's the least I can do after you've let us stay here', Laura stopped for only a second to give me a beaming smile, which I happily returned. I felt bad that I had judged her way too quickly, she really is a great human being, Clay is lucky to have her. _And she's lucky to have Clay._

As if on queue, a tall figure walked into the room, rubbing his eyes as if he had just woken up. 'Good morning', he rasped, voice deep and gruff from sleep. _Goddamn..._

He walked into my line of vision and my breath hitched slightly, he wasn't wearing a shirt and his joggers hung low on his hips. I _really_ missed seeing this daily. My eyes guiltily trailed up and down his body as he walked over and wrapped his arms around Laura, hugging her from behind. His back muscles tensed when he squeezed Laura in a tight embrace. 

'Happy birthday!', Clay spoke after a few seconds, his voice still low and he talked slowly. I clamped my thighs shut and steadied my breathing when I answered, 'thank you!'. 

'I have your present but you can have it later tonight', he said, smiling at me. I raised my eyebrows in surprise, 'you got me a present?'

He nodded as he rested his chin on Laura's head, swaying them both slightly. 'Oh, you didn't have to, thank you', I grinned.

We all fell back into silence and I went back to staring at Clay as he broke away from Laura and opened the fridge to see if there was anything that appealed to him.

I could hear movement behind me but was far too focused on Clay to acknowledge it. It wasn't until I felt warm hands on my waist and pressure against my back did I look at who it was. Nick was leaning into me, his mouth next to my head, lips brushing my ear, 'you're staring at him', was all he said before he pushed away and joined Clay at the fridge. A deep red blush spread across my face, knowing I had been caught.

'How's the birthday girl this morning?', Nick asked once he had gotten whatever he was looking for.

'I'm good! I'm really excited for the party', I replied, smiling widely. I really was excited, we hadn't had a party in so long and I think we all need it. It was definitely an excuse for me to get my mind off of Clay and maybe, just maybe turn my attention to Nick for the night.

Nick and I used to fuck around before I realised I had feelings for Clay. It was nothing serious, just a friends with benefits type of thing. So maybe we could bring it back just for tonight.

There was a loud crashing sound that echoed the room as Laura dropped the metal measuring cups, making us all jump, 'I forgot to get you a present!', She exclaimed, turning to me with a look of panic.

I shook my head frantically, 'You don't need to get me a present, you're already planning this party, that's more that enough for me. Please don't feel like you have to get me a present too'.

She didn't look convinced but nodded anyway, going back to her baking.

George walked in shortly after looking as if he had just woken up, probably being woken up from the loud crash. 'Who is banging pots like it's a fucking parade'

I chuckled in my chair and George slid into the seat next to me, pushing five wrapped boxes to me, 'happy birthday', he smiled and pulled me into a side hug.

I grinned widely and began unwrapping the gifts. The first thing I opened was a polaroid camera. My eyes widened, 'oh my god!'. I said I wanted one of these once, months ago, so the fact that he remembered warmed my heart.

Two of the other presents were the polaroid pictures to go with it. The fourth gift was a box of my favourite chocolates.

I started to open the final box and George began giggling next to me. As soon as the wrapping paper was off, my face contorted to a look of pure confusion. A pottery wheel and clay?

Nick barked out a loud laugh, 'oh my god, you actually got it'

Clay was just as confused as I was. George leaned in and whispered, 'so you can touch clay whenever you want', before laughing along with Nick at the innuendo. Heat rose all over my body and I could feel my cheeks turn a dark red. Did he really just-

Nick was still laughing, holding onto the island for support. Laura was too preoccupied with the cupcakes to notice anything and Clay still looked as clueless as ever. 'What?', he asked.

George shook his head, getting a quick 'never mind', out through his laughter. I put my head in my hands and laughed along with the other two boys, 'I can't with you guys, holy shit'.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hours passed and Laura informed us that our friends should start arriving in about an hour. I was in my room, wearing a dressing gown trying to decide on an outfit to wear. My hair and makeup was already done. Loose wavy curls cascaded down my back and my makeup consisted of a gold and black smoky eye with red lipstick.

I had two separate outfits laid on my bed. Outfit one was a red sheer, long sleeved top with a black bralette underneath, paired with a tight black ruched skirt. Outfit two was short leather bodycon dress. I stood staring between the two outfits when there was a knock at my door. _I could recognise that knock from a mile away._

Clay opened the door slightly, 'are you decent?', he asked. He walked into my room and closed the door behind him once I had given him the okay.

'Your makeup looks really good', he said staring right at me, causing me to look away, trying not to blush. 'Thank you, you don't look so bad yourself', I laughed.

Clay was wearing a simple outfit, but he made it look so good. _So good._ He wore a grey crewneck sweatshirt with a collard shirt underneath and plain black jeans. My eyes trailed to his hands which were decorated with rings and black nail polish. _He decorated my necklace._ I quickly shook the intrusive thought and focused back on his face.

He pulled me down to sit on my bedroom floor with him, leaning against my bed, and I only realised now that he had a small, neatly, wrapped box. He handed it to me with a nervous expression, 'your birthday present'. I carefully took it and unwrapped it slowly. It was a white box with a fancy jewellery brand written on it. I opened my mouth to protest, knowing that this was probably very expensive but he held his hand up to shush me, 'just open it'.

I nodded and opened the box, gasping as I saw the most beautiful necklace I had ever seen. A dainty silver chain with a diamond incrusted music note laid delicately in the box. I looked at it, at him, then back to the necklace. 'This is beautiful', was all I could say. 'Do you like it? There were so many to choose from, I didn't know which one you'd like the best. I kept the receipt in case you want to take it back or exchange it for another one', he rambled.

I put my hand on his arm, 'no, it's perfect. I love it', I replied. _I'd love any gift you gave me, you could give me a bag of dog shit and I'd be over the moon._

He stood up to his feet, offering his hand to help me up too. Once I was up, he guided us to the mirror in my room and took the necklace from my hands. His fingers grazed my neck as he put the necklace on for me. Icy hot shivers ran all across my body and goose bumps littered all over my skin. His fingers lingering on the back of my neck. My breathing became shallow as we held eye contact through the mirror and he leaned forward so his lips hovered next to my ear. There seemed to be a lot of leaning and whispering in ears today.

'Wear the black dress', was all he said before he swiftly left the room, leaving nothing but the smell of his familiar cologne. I let out a shaky breath and brought my hand up to hold the necklace around my neck. My eyes fluttered shut for a few seconds as I steadied my breathing.

I shook my head and turned to get dressed. The dress was tight in all the right places and, not to be 'that' bitch, I looked fucking sexy. I did some finishing touches to my makeup and sprayed the same perfume I've always worn. If I could, I'd fuck myself because goddamn did I look good.

I put on my heels and made my way downstairs and into the kitchen where some of the guests had already arrived. When I walked in, all the talking stopped and all eyes drifted to me. Clay's mouth had dropped slightly and he was staring directly at me, shamelessly. George was grinning and Laura gasped and clapped when she saw me.

Nick was the first to speak, a smirk on his face, 'Wooo! Hey mamas!', he handed me a shot glass full of a liquid I couldn't be bothered to figure out.

I laughed and held up my shot glass, 'happy fucking birthday to me', I cheered before throwing my head back and swallowing the shot, making everyone follow along too.

More and more guests arrived, some I knew, some I didn't. But that was totally fine by me, the more the merrier! I spoke to some of my friends who I hadn't seen in a while - Wilbur, Alex, Karl, Phil and loads more. 

Time flew by and it was safe to say, I was drunk. But, I was having the time of my life. Laura had done an amazing job and I didn't hesitate to tell her that when she walked over to me.

'Laura! This is amazing, I can't thank you enough!', I shouted over the music.

She beamed and replied, slurring a little, 'Don't thank me! Take it as a thank you gift for letting me and Clay stay here!'

She pulled me into a tight hug and I let myself hug her back. I'm slowly starting to be okay with her being around. _Only when she doesn't have her hands all over Clay._

Speak of the devil, Clay walked up to us, grinning from ear to ear. He was definitely drunk, 'dance with me, birthday girl!'. I didn't have time to protest as he was already dragging me away from Laura and over to the area where everyone was dancing. _Worth it_ started playing and Clay drunkenly cheered. He wasn't too drunk, he knew what he was doing but he was _not_ sober. He started dancing, flaying his limbs everywhere, making me cackle.

'What! Is my dancing not meeting your standards!', he laughed too when he noticed me wheezing. Our laughs were very similar so the situation was a lot more funnier. I shook my head and he spoke again, 'teach me!'

'Move your hips!', I shouted back at him, swaying my hips to the music. He tried copying me but it only made me laugh harder. He was very stiff with his movements, god he is such a man. He pulled me to him and placed my hands on his hips, 'show me how to do it then'.

I froze for a second, was he really expecting me to do this in front of everyone? Especially when his girlfriend could see? I shrugged, everyone was probably too drunk to realise anyway. I moved his hips the right way, his movements loosening up a bit. This felt strangely intimate, but I loved it. We carried on until he near enough got it right on his own, I pulled my hands away and I could've sworn I heard him whine at the loss of contact.

I didn't have time to say anything however, because Nick spun me around to face him as the next song started. _34 + 35._ I smirked at Nick, knowing what was about to happen. Clay cleared his throat as if to get the attention back on him, an annoyed look on his face. 'I was dancing with her', he said. Nick smiled, unaware of the daggers Clay was shooting at him, 'It's my turn with the birthday girl!'

Clay looked at me, as if pleading for to me reject Nick and keep dancing with him. I frowned at him, 'I'll dance with you again after!'. Clay clenched his jaw but nodded and walked away, I watched him as he found Laura and danced with her. I felt a little jealous but I had no room to talk, I was the one who chose to dance with Nick instead.

I was pulled away from my thoughts by Nick's hands on my waist, spinning my around so my back was against his chest. 'You look fucking gorgeous', he spoke into my ear. I replied by leaning back into him, moving our hips in sync. He was a lot looser than Clay with his movements, more confident I guess you could say which is strange, Clay is usually very confident, borderline cocky some would say, but that's okay to me.

We continued dancing, grinding and laughing together. I pushed back into him more, causing him to squeeze my hips and hum happily. My eyes scanned the room, catching eyes with Clay. He was dancing with Laura, their fronts pushed together, her back to me, Clay being able to look right me. He smirked at me and pulled Laura closer to him, as if to challenge me. Was he trying to make me jealous? Alright then, two can play at that game, Clay.

I smirked and leaned my head back, exposing my neck. Nick leaned down and softly started kissing my neck, biting the skin under him, causing my mouth to fall open. I started singing along to the song, _'can you stay up all night, fuck me 'til the daylight'._ I kept eye contact with Clay the whole time, a spiteful look taking over his face. I raised an eyebrow at him and grinded harder against Nick, singing the next line, _'baby you might need a seatbelt when I ride it, I'ma leave it open like a door, come inside it'._ Clay's tongue darted against the inside of his cheek and he shook his head, seemingly backing down. I grinned, knowing I had won. Don't mess with me, bitch.

Nick was still working my neck, sending pleasure through me. 'Do you want your birthday present now?', he asked, voice low and flirty. I nodded eagerly and he grabbed my hand and led me up the stairs to my bedroom. As soon as the door was locked, he pushed me against it, kissing me with force. I kissed back just as forceful. Of course he didn't get me and actual present, cocky fucker knew I would want this.

His hands gripped my waist, making me moan quietly into his mouth. He used this as an opportunity to push his tongue into my mouth. I missed these moments with Nick, it was always a good time with him and he really knows how to please a woman. Nick tapped the back of my thighs, silently telling me to jump. I complied and jumped, not breaking the kiss. My legs wrapped around his waist, pulling him closer to me as he held me against the wall.

We kept kissing until I started whining, he pulled away and tsk'd, 'so needy for me, tell me what you want'. His voice was raspy with lust. I kissed him hungrily before speaking, 'do something, anything'. He smirked at me, 'what do you say?'

I whined again but gave him what he wanted, I moved my lips to his ear, nibbling it softly before speaking, 'please Nick'. He groaned at this and swiftly moved to my bed and laid me down, slotting perfectly between my legs. He rolled his hips into me with the perfect amount of pressure. We both let out low moans as we kissed again.

Nick pulled away, only enough to speak, our lips still grazing each other. 'Tonight is all about you, baby', he kissed me again before pulling away fully and moving to kiss down my neck, sucking and biting as he went, leaving purple bruises. He went further and further, kissing down my chest, giving the area slightly more attention. By this point, I was already squirming, probably embarrassingly wet.

He moved to kneel in front of me, hands going to the bottom of my dress, he looked at me for approval and smiled when I nodded, giving him the okay. He pushed my dress up, bunching it just under my chest. He stopped and looked at me for a few seconds, making me blush deeply under is intense stare, 'you really are beautiful, I hope you know that'. This made me blush even more and squirm in my place. He held my hips to stop me from moving, 'now, be a good little slut for me and stay still'. Was all he said before he pressed a finger to me, over my panties.

He circled his fingers over my clit a few times before he yanked down my panties. I gasped as the cool air hit me, making me shiver in the best way possible. His fingers returned and he chuckled to himself, 'you're so wet for me, baby'. I whined and tried so trust my hips into his hand to get more pressure. He hummed and gripped my hip with his other hand, pushing me back down. His grip was hard enough to leave bruises but it just added to the pleasure.

He inserted a finger into me, curling it just right. I moaned out louder than I expected. He moved his finger smoothly, knowing exactly what to do. I kept moaning, the pleasure being intensified from the alcohol in our systems. We weren't too drunk, we both knew what we were doing and we both wanted this. 'Look at your, losing your mind already with just one finger', he sneered, I moaned out again, arching my back as he added another finger.

He skilfully moved his fingers, curling them just right before lying in front of me and kissing my thighs. He bit my inner thighs, leaving more bruises and then flattened his tongue against my clit. I gasped and moaned out as he circled my clit with his tongue, still pumping his fingers inside of me. He moaned against me and I looked down to see him moving against the mattress, trying to relieve some of the pressure he was feeling.

I could feel my orgasm barrelling at an alarming rate. I raked my hands through Nick's hair, moans becoming more and more consistent. He continued working me with his mouth and his fingers, chasing my high. His tongue was sending a euphoric feeling all over my body and his fingers hitting all the right spots were close to sending me over the edge. I gripped his hair, signalling that I was close, 'Nick, oh my god-', I moaned out.

He sped up his pace, chasing my high faster than I could comprehend. Before I knew it, pleasure was surging through my bloodstream and I arched my back, moaning out, 'Nick!', before releasing over his fingers and tongue embarrassingly quick. He slowed down his movements to bring me down from my high and pulled back to look at me as he leaned forward and stuck his fingers in my mouth. I held eye contact as I softly sucked on his fingers, tasting myself on him. His eyes fluttered shut and it was only then that I noticed the bulge in his jeans.

I grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled him to me, kissing him passionately, tasting more of myself on his lips. He was back between my legs and I took this chance to wrap one arm around his neck, pulling at his hair, and dropping the other one to rub him over his jeans. He moaned, low and gruff, 'tonight is supposed to be about you', he said, I could tell he was trying not to lose control and absolutely ruin me. But that is exactly what I wanted.

I looked at him, both our eyes filled with lust, 'fuck me', I said as I pulled him into another kiss, rubbing him harder through his jeans. 'are you sure?', he pulled away to ask. I was quick to nod, making him laugh before his eyes went dark, 'you already came once and now you're demanding for more? Such a whore'. I moaned out at this, Nick smirked, 'yeah?'.

I wrapped my legs around his waist once again and pulled him down to rub against me. He pulled away and swiftly stripped his jeans, shirt and boxers off. 'Condom?', he asked. I shook my head, making him furrow his eyebrows. 'I'm on the pill', I smiled up at him. His eyes practically rolled back, knowing he was getting to hit it raw.

He positioned himself between my legs once against and captured my lips in another kiss, he pushed his tongue passed my lips and let himself taste my mouth. He moved to kiss my neck like he was doing before and I felt pressure against my hole. He sucked against my neck, leaving even more bruises that I hoped would be there for a while and he slowly started to push into me. We both moaned out, loudly. He kept going until he was fully in, I was always surprised at how big Nick is and I would always need a minute to adjust.

Once I had adjusted, I clenched around him, making him growl and start moving his hips. He found a rhythm and rocked into me. I moaned out and gripped the back of his head, pulling his hair. 'Harder', I gasped out. He happily complied and began pounding into me as if the world was about to end. We both moaned, me high and needy, him low and controlled. He kept kissing my neck and spoke into my ear, 'such a good little slut, taking me so well'.

His hand snaked around my neck and pushed against the sides of it, making my vision go hazy and the pleasure intensify. Fuck this feels so good. My nails scratched down his back, definitely leaving marks for the morning as he continued to snap his hips with no mercy. 'Fuck- you feel so good inside me', I choked out.

The feeling of Nick inside me whilst also having the pressure around my neck made me lose my mind. I clenched around him, making him stutter his movements, 'shit, do that again', Nick spluttered. I smirked and clenched again as he moaned out louder than before. He found his rhythm again and if I didn't think he could go any faster, he did. He snapped his hips hard and fast, the burning feeling in my stomach growing quickly.

Nick dropped his hand from my neck, down to my clit and rubbed circles there, adding so much more pleasure. I locked my feet around his waist which caused him to get even deeper. I was so close to another release, and I knew he was too. He slammed his hips into me, chasing both of our highs. I knew I wasn't going to last so I needed to get him there quickly, I pulled him down to kiss his neck, biting and licking the area. I found his sweet spot and left a scatter of dark bruises whilst also clenching around him again.

He looked completely blissed out, eyes closed, brows drawn tight and his hips began falling out of rhythm, he was close. His fingers sped up on my clit and just as I was about to kiss him again, my orgasm washed through my body. I moaned out Nick's name and at the feeling of me releasing, he also released inside of me with a guttural moan. He moved his hips a few more times to cruise us through the pleasure before stopping so we could both catch out breathes.

He pulled out and flopped down next to me, 'I'll clean you up in a sec, just let me catch me breath', he laughed breathily. We laid there in silence for a few minutes. 'You're still as good as I remember', I spoke after a while as he stood up and got dressed. 'I'd hope so, you're still as needy as I remember', he teased and I gasped in fake hurt. 

He left the room for a few seconds and came back with a warm, wet face cloth. He cleaned me up, put my panties back on and pulled my dress back down for me. 'Such a gentleman', I joked and he helped me to my feet and he scoffed.

'Can you walk okay?', Nick asked. I barked out a laugh, 'your ego is through the roof', I chastised. It did hurt slightly to walk though, I felt like I had been hit by a bus. He rolled his eyes and unlocked the bedroom door for me and we both walked back to the party. 

I'd say tonight has been pretty successful.


	6. Give me love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Give me love like her, 'cause lately I've been waking up alone.
> 
> \------------------

My head hurts, my thighs hurt, my neck hurts. Everything hurts. It was the morning after the party and after Nick and I joined everyone else we were pulled into a game of beer pong which somehow ended up in everyone taking shot after shot. It's safe to say we were absolutely smashed.

I groaned as I forced myself out of bed, having already slept most of the day and made my way downstairs into the kitchen seeing as it was 3pm already.

The boys were already in there, sat at the island, head resting on the counter top with a bottle of water and a box of pain killers next to him. Nick was sat next to him, on his phone and Clay was busy cooking some pasta, seemingly the least hungover out of all of us. _Lucky bastard._

I lazily made my presence known with a small, 'hello', and slid into the chair next to Nick. He turned to me with a smirk when he noticed the litter of deep purple bruises on my neck. Clay spun around with a smile, but when he also noticed the hickies his face fell, 'Good night then?', he practically sneered. _What was his problem?_

Nick let out a small, almost conceited laugh, 'I'll bet'. Clay furrowed his eyebrows as if he was thinking and when it finally clicked his jaw grew tight and his eyes narrowed before walking to me and gripping my jaw in his hand. 'He did that to you?', he asked, moving my head to the side to reveal more bruises. I coughed awkwardly and pulled away from his grip, 'so what if he did?', I sat up straighter, trying to appear more confident. 

Clay hummed and eyed me for a few more seconds before turning his back and continuing to cook his pasta while Nick snickered in his seat, making me hit him on the back of his head. We all fell into an awkward silence and I decided to speak up, hoping to diffuse some of the tension, 'Where's Laura?'.

'She's in bed, she gets really bad hangovers and is sick for like, two days after. I don't know why she does it to herself', Clay answered, shaking his head, not looking up from the boiling water with the food in it. I nodded, even though he couldn't see, the room was back to silence.

George lifted his head from the counter, squinting. 'It's too fucking bright in here', he groaned, covering his eyes. 'I'm so hungover', he added.

Nick chuckled, 'It's your own fault, dude', making Clay huff out a laugh in agreement. George glared at them both and stood up, 'I'm going back to bed', he said and lazily walked out of the kitchen, leaving the air thick with awkward tension as soon as he left.

'So...', Nick started tapping the counter, not really knowing where he was going with it. I pursed my lips, also not knowing what to say, 'so...', I copied.

'Did you at least use protection?', Clay asked as if it was a normal question. I choked on my spit and a deep, hot blush spread across body. Nick's eyes widened in surprise and he spluttered out, 'What- what sort of question is that?'

Clay didn't display any emotion, nor did he have a reaction to the question he just asked, 'I'm just saying, if two of my best friends are fucking then I'd hope they're using protection. Don't want any babies running around here'. I dropped my head into my hands, trying to hide my embarrassment and I was thankful that Nick was the one answering him. 'Firstly, it was just a one night thing. Secondly, it's none of your business'.

Well, I guess that answers the question whether Nick wanted to be more than friends. Clay's face subtly turned to a look of contentment, knowing it was a one time thing. Again, this look was invisible to anybody but me, I knew all his subtle looks.

Clay shrugged, added some sauce to his pasta and split it into two bowls. Just as I thought he was leaving to take the bowls for him and Laura, he slid one of the bowls to me and sat at spare seat next to me. I looked at him, slightly confused. 'I figured you'd be hungry, you're the only one who hasn't eaten yet today'. My heart fluttered and I smiled as I began to eat. 

Nick stood up, 'I'm going to my room, adios bitches', he hollered, leaving the room.

We ate in silence for a moments before Clay asked, 'do you like Nick?'. I stopped eating, mid chew and furrowed my brows. 'Of course I do, he's one of my best friends'. 

Clay shook his eat and elaborated on his question, 'I mean, do you like like him?'. My eyes widened briefly, understanding what he was asking. 'No, I don't. I love him obviously, but I love him like a friend'.

His body visibly relaxed when I said this, but he continued to ask his questions, 'why'd you sleep with him then?'

I was taken back by the this. I couldn't tell if it was a genuine question of innocent curiosity, a question of judgement, or if there was an underlying message that I was missing. 'I-, well-, I guess it was just an "in the moment thing". We-, we both wanted it and we've done it before so we were comfortable', I stuttered out.

Clay put his fork down and gave his full attention to me, 'you just do things in the moment?'. His intense gaze made the air around us thick and I took a deep breath. 'If I want it enough, then yes', I whispered, staring right back at him.

He hummed quietly and slowly leaned forward into my space. His hand snaked to my jaw and pulled me closer to him. We were close, so fucking close. His eyes flickered to my lips multiple times and I swallowed nervously. Our lips were almost touching, and I let out a shaky breath. The tension was there and it was growing by the second. We kept staring, our heads moving in opposite directions, making our noses brush together as if to urge one of us to give in. It seemed our noses were the only thing keeping us from kissing. The feeling of not knowing what was going to happen was both frustrating and exciting at the same time, euphoric almost. 

Clay shook his head, seemingly snapping himself out of whatever trance he was in and pulled away quickly, leaving me breathless and wanting more. He stood up, threw the remains of his pasta in the bin and left without another word. I sat there, trying to collect my thoughts. _What the fuck just happened?_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The day passed quicker than I could comprehend and the next morning came before I could even blink. The moment with me and Clay yesterday kept replaying in my head. _Were we about to kiss?_

I walked into the living room to see Clay and Laura curled up on the couch together, watching some documentary about fuck knows what. _Nerds._

'Nick and George have gone shopping for food', Clay informed me as I sat on the opposite end of the couch. I nodded and pulled out my phone, the documentary looking too boring for me to focus on.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Clay and Laura exchange kisses and giggle together whenever he showed her something on his phone. I felt sick, only yesterday was he this close to kissing me and now he has the nerve to kiss her right in front of me as if it never happened. I suppose I can't tell him when he can and can't kiss her, she's his girlfriend after all.

After about an hour of this, I decided I had had enough and I left the room to go into the kitchen, looking for something to snack on. The door to the dining room was open and the piano came into my line of vision. This could be a good way to get my emotions out.

I made a beeline to the piano, shutting the door behind me in the hopes that it would muffle the music. As soon as I sat down my fingers started playing as if they had been wanting to play this specific song for my whole life. I knew the song straight away and started to sing softly, _'give me love like her, cause lately I've been waking up alone...'_

The words flowed out of me like a fountain, each lyric filled with passion and emotion. The song progressed and I sang with such ardent and feeling, _'and it's been a while, but I still feel the same...maybe I should let you go'._ I knew exactly why my fingers decided to play this song but I didn't care - the song was a beautiful song with so much emotion to it.

The song came to and end and I quietly sang the last line, _'my my my my, give me love'._ I swallowed and stared at the keys in front of me. I yelped when a deep voice spoke up, 'you're crying'.

Clay walked further into the room, also closing the door behind him and knelt down at the side of me. 'Why are you crying?', he asked softly. I didn't even realise I was crying until he said it. I hastily wiped my cheeks and eyes, sniffling. _Was this situation really getting to me this much?_

'It's a beautiful song, made me emotional', I lied. I knew the real reason - it was about him. Clay reached out and wiped a stray tear I had missed, thumb softly rubbing my cheekbone. 'You're lying', he observed. 'Why are you crying?', he asked again, pushing for the real answer. I couldn't give it to him.

'I can't tell you', I whispered, leaning into his hand. I knew I shouldn't relish in his attention and the way his hand felt on my face like this, but I don't care right now. Clay sighed, but nodded not wanting to push me too far. 'You'd tell me if it was anything serious right? I hate seeing you like this', his face holding a look of kindness, sincerity and love. The type of love you'd have for a friend.

I nodded, wanting to stop talking about it. 'Why don't you play something happy? Maybe that'll put you in a happier mood?', he suggested. I puffed out a breath, 'I don't know what to play'.

'It can be anything, here, I'll sing with you', he said as he stood up and motioned me to move up so he could sit next to me. I smiled and complied, thinking of a happy song to sing. When I used to sing for the boys, we all used to get involved and it would turn into a karaoke night so this feeling of normalcy with Clay was nice.

I thought for a few seconds before smile spread across my face and I started playing, _'here comes the sun, do do do do'._ I sang the first few lines and Clay's face lit up as he recognised the song and started singing the song with me, _'little darling, it's been a long cold lonely winter. Little darling, it seems like years since it's been here'._ Clay wasn't the best at singing, he wasn't bad by any means - he could definitely hold a note, better than the average person, but just the sound of his voice made me beam as we kept singing.

_'Little darling, the smiles returning to the faces'_ , we sang together, our voices blending much better than I remembered. I kept playing but stopped singing so I could listen to his soothing voice. It was a change from his usual deep, almost raspy voice. _'Here comes the sun, do do do do'._

He was right, singing a song that wasn't sad did make me feel better. But singing it with him made me feel over the moon. The song was coming to an end and I joined back in to sing the last line with him, _'here comes the sun, and I say it's alright'._ He wrapped his arm around me and pulled me into a side hug once the song was done and I squeezed him back, discretely taking in his comforting scent.

The moment was broken however when Laura's soft voice echoed the room, 'you both sounded wonderful together!', she said as she walked over to us from the spot at the doorframe. She must have heard the music through the door and was curious. Her voice held no malicious energy or sarcasm, it was completely genuine. 'We should all have a karaoke night at some point', she suggested, making me and Clay both nod.

'Are you feeling better today?', I asked, remembering Clay saying she gets bad hangovers. Laura smiled and rolled her eyes at herself, 'I am, thank you. I shouldn't have drank so much. Hide all the alcohol from me next time', she joked and laughed, making Clay smile.

'That's good, I'm glad you're feeling better', I smiled back.

'Should we have a movie night?', Clay asked randomly, 'we can ask Nick and George to join too', he added.

Laura looked at me expectantly, 'Sure, that sounds good to me', I shrugged, making her nod and agree.

We all left the room and set up the living room for movie night. I was slightly distracted at the thoughts of Clay and his singing. It wasn't intimate at all, but singing with him made my heart soar. As bad as it was, it made me happy knowing he wouldn't do that with Laura, at least not unless it was for a karaoke.

Everyone spread themselves out on the couch, of course Clay and Laura cuddled up with each other, making jealousy rush through me for a moment. I shook off the feeling and sat next in-between Nick and George, resting my head on Nick's shoulder as he spread a blanket over us. George had put on Harry Potter, despite some protests from Clay and Nick.

We all joked and laughed throughout the film, it was nice. I thought this situation was going to be worse than it is, I'm so fucking glad that Laura is easy to get along with but it also makes me feel more guilty at the feelings I have for Clay. That's the price I have to pay though I guess. 


	7. Break up with your girlfriend, I'm bored

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Break up with your girlfriend, 'cause I'm bored. You could hit it in the morning, like it's yours.

'Game night!!!!!!', George cheered, walking into the living room where the rest of us were.

Clay groaned slightly, 'game night?', he asked.

Laura perked up at the mention of game night, 'oh my god!!! Let's do it!', she squealed, looking at Clay, hoping he would agree.

He hesitated for a second before nodding once he saw Laura's hopeful look, making both Laura and George clap. 'What game then?', George questioned, looking around the room at us all.

  
The others started throwing out suggestions, 'Cluedo!', 'Trivial pursuit!', 'Uno!'. Clay turned me to, tilting his head, 'What do you think?'

I thought for a moment, what haven't we played in a while? Nick, George and I play Uno regularly, Trivial Pursuit is too smart for me and Cluedo just confuses the fuck out of me. 'What about Monopoly?', I suggested. Clay gasped and smirked slightly, knowing he was good at the game, 'I think Monopoly is a great idea'.

I shot up, grinning, my competitive side already coming out, 'I'll get the board, you guys get snacks and shit - it'll probably go on for a while', I ordered, waltzing up the stairs to the small _"cupboard of shit"_ , we like to call it. The board was on the top shelf and I sighed, taking a step back and mentally figuring out how I was going to do this. I could call one of the boys for help, but they'd make fun of me for being short - as if Nick and George had any room to talk. _5'9 my ass._

I stepped forward and raised to the very tips of my toes, reaching as high as I could. My fingers brushed the box of the game and I let out a noise of struggle when I realised I wouldn't be able to reach it. I gasped when I felt a presence push itself against my back. A familiar scent filled my nose. Clay. 

'Need any help?', he asked, voice full of humour, finding my struggles quite hilarious. I admitted defeat and nodded but he didn't give me time to move out of the way, instead pushing further against me and reaching over me, easily grabbing the box. My breath hitched and I had to fight the urge to lean back into him. He lowered the box in front of me, not moving away from my back. 'Thank you', I whispered as I took the box, not trusting my voice enough to speak any louder.

We stayed like this for a few seconds longer and I had to speak up before I lost control and allow myself to lean into him, 'we should probably go back downstairs'. Clay was silent before speaking, 'we should', but made no effort to move. It was becoming more and more difficult to stop myself from turning and burying my face into his neck. I felt his hand softly place itself on my waist and I held my breath. He pulled me to lean back into him and I let the little control I had left completely disappear. I leant my weight against his frame and his other hand snaked around to hug me from behind. _This was heaven._

We were both silent, knowing the moment would be over as soon as one of us spoke. I allowed my eyes to close briefly before George shouted from the bottom of the stairs, 'how long does it take to get a fucking board game?'. Clay stepped back, letting his hands linger and drag across my body as he walked away to join the others. I let out a shaky breath before following behind him, trying to hide my red face. 

We all sat down on the floor and started setting up the board, 'I'm going to kick everyone's ass at this', I laughed. Nick immediately snapped back, 'absolutely not, I will beat you so hard you'll be crying for a week straight'. I gasped and placed a hand on my heart, 'so rude'.

Clay joined in, 'both of you are going to lose, you know how good I am at the game', causing me to argue back. We bickered for a while before he stopped me, mid sentence with a cocky grin, 'how 'bout suck my dick when I win'. The room fell silent and my face became just as hot as it was before. Laura's head snapped up from helping George set up the board, face annoyed and hit him around the back of the head, 'don't say stuff like that, what the hell'. This was the first time I had seen her portray any negative emotions but it kind of scared me. It was like when the nice teacher finally shouted at you.

Clay mumbled a quiet, 'sorry' and my eyes flickered around the room awkwardly, trying to avoid eye contact from anyone.

The awkward tension thankfully dissolved when the game finally started and we were all back to joking and laughing. 'Haha! Fuck you!', George sarcastically said when he landed on one of my properties, I wheezed out a laugh, making Clay wheeze too. Laura snorted out a laugh also at the sound of both of our wheezes, 'your laughs are so similar'.

The game progressed and Clay and I were winning, it was my go and I landed on free parking, taking the money that had been collected there. The others groaned as I cheered and used the money to upgrade the houses on my properties, 'capitalism baby!!!', I shouted, clapping my hands. 'Oh come on now', Clay spoke lowly at the thought of landing on one of my OP properties. The lowness of his voice made my thighs squeeze together and I took a deep breath to regain some composure. I looked up from the board to see Clay already staring at me, an eyebrow raised. I quickly looked away and tried to focus on the game again.

'You've got to be kidding me!', Nick shouted when he realised he had to go bankrupt. 'This game is bullshit', he huffed and leaned back onto his hands, watching the game as Laura laughed at him for being a sore loser. 

Laura was the next out however which made Nick grin and stick his tongue out, 'who's laughing now'. Laura rolled her eyes but smiled back, shaking her head in amusement at Nick's childish behaviour. George was completely focused on the game and you could practically see the way his brain was working. Clearly not working enough however, because he soon landed on Clay's property which sent him right into bankruptcy. He sighed and threw his hands up in defeat.

Clay and I was were both silent, planning our next moves. It was probably stupid at how serious we were taking a game of Monopoly but we were both insanely competitive when we were against each other. I was never usually this competitive, but when it comes to Clay, I would do anything to bring his ego down. 'Can we play some music, it's too quiet', Laura spoke into the silence of the room. Nick nodded and opened Spotify on the TV, shuffling the first playlist he saw.

A few songs played as the game continued, making the game more light hearted than competitive. I unconsciously started singing the next song that played, _'you got me some type of way, ain't used to feeling this way' ._ I rolled the dice and moved my piece as the chorus rang through the room, _'break up with your girlfriend, yeah yeah 'cause I'm bored'._

I looked up to watch Clay take his move but he was looking directly at me and I held eye contact as the next line of the song played, _'you can hit it in the morning, yeah yeah like it's yours'._ Clay looked around the room at everyone but they were too preoccupied on their phones to notice, so he turned his attention back to me, _'I know it ain't right but I don't care'._ He rolled the dice, still looking at me. His eyes flickered to the dice and he let out a sigh of defeat when the numbers added up to one of my properties, sending him into bankruptcy. I jumped up and did a victory dance, pulling everyone's attention away from their phones and cheering.

'That's not fair! You distracted me!', he protested. Laura cackled, 'how could she distract you, it's Monopoly for god's sake, pure luck!', she joked, completely oblivious to the actual meaning. I sat back down, still dancing to myself as well all helped pack away the game. 

'Do you wanna play another game?', George asked after we had packed up the game. I definitely wanted to, and from the looks on Laura and Nick's face, they wanted to also. Clay however said, 'hmm, I don't know'.

I scoffed, 'come onnnn, this'll give you a chance to actually beat me at a game', Clay's eyebrows raised at the challenge and he hummed, 'you're on', he agreed and we all figured out another game to play and set it up.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I won the next game, and the game after that. Clay was beyond annoyed, claiming I must have cheated. We bickered back and fourth, George and Nick watching in amusement before Laura's phone started to ring. She answered it with a smile, it must have been someone she was close to. A few minutes passed and her face fell, she bit her lip as if she was trying to hold back tears. I nudged Clay and motioned to Laura. He immediately moved next to her and pulled her into a hug as she ended the phone call.

'I need to go back home, my grandma just passed away', she whispered, failing to hold back her tears. I quickly moved to the other side of her and also wrapped an arm around her, trying to comfort her in any way I can.

'Do you want me to come with you?', Clay asked gently, a direct change from his previous screaming during the games. She shook her head and tried to steady her breathing before she talked again, 'No, thank you. You stay here, I need to be alone with my family right now'.

I knew exactly how she felt, losing a relative is such an awful feeling. I grabbed her hand and squeezed it as she leant her head on Clay's shoulder. 'When are you leaving?', I asked. She sighed and squeezed my hand back, 'I should probably leave in the next hour, I want to be with my family as soon as possible'.

Clay shook his head, 'it's too dark right now, hold on until tomorrow so it's safer', he protested. Laura stood up, 'no, I need to go now. I need to be with my family', she repeated firmly, making Clay clamp his mouth shut and hesitantly nod. 'Would you like me to help you pack?', I questioned, not expecting her to agree, but she did.

I hopped up and held her hand once again, walking to Clay and hers room. 'Would you like to talk about it?', I said once we entered her room and the door was closed.

She sighed sadly, 'she was such an amazing person, you have no idea. So soft spoken, but firm when she needed to be. She knew exactly what she wanted in life and she never hesitated to speak up about things. I love her so much, I just can't believe she's gone', her grandmother sounded like the same exact person as her. I nodded as I helped gather her items, 'she sounds like a wonderful woman'.

'She is...she was', her sentence got quieter towards the end as tears fell from her eyes. I straightened up and pulled her into a tight hug, letting her cry her emotions out. I softly rubbed comforting stripes on her back in the hopes it would calm her down. After a few minutes, she sniffled and pulled away, 'we should carry on packing my things', I nodded and carried on helping, trying to converse in different conversations to help her get her mind off of it for a short while.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

'Text me when you get there, pull over if you get too tired or if you start to cry. Keep me updated and call me if you need me', Clay rambled as he hugged her at the door, me, Nick and George watching quietly. Laura nodded as she pulled away and whispered, 'I love you', to which he replied with, 'I love you more'. _I love you more._

She was gone before I could blink and we fell into a sad silence. 'Shit', Nick muttered when we all sat down on the couch, I nodded in agreement. Clay had a sad look on his face and I moved to sit next to him, pulling him into a side hug, 'she'll be okay. She's a sensible girl so she's not going to do anything stupid', I tried to comfort. Clay seemed thankful for the attempts but still kept the sad face.

George wordlessly walked into the kitchen, reappearing minutes later with a trey of mugs, all with tea in them. He handed them out to us all and put on the same film we had watched a few weeks ago when I was upset about Clay. The same film we all watch when one of us is sad. I draped a blanket over me and Clay as the film started.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The film was over and both Nick and George stood up to stretch, briefly saying they were going to bed, leaving me and Clay alone. 'Are you going to bed too?', I queried. He shook his head, 'I'm going to wait for Laura to text me so I know she got there safely'. From what I had learnt so far, her family lived a good few hours away, the film had lasted about 2 hours but I didn't know how far her family actually was. So, there could be a text within the next few minutes, or the next few hours. 

'I can stay up with you, if you like?', I suggested, not really wanting to leave him alone with his anxiety. A thankful look spread across his face and he nodded. It warmed my heart at how much he cared for people, Laura in particular. Even though there was a part of me who wished he cared for me more, I knew this was a delicate moment and I accepted the fact that he was worried about the person he loved driving emotionally and in the dark. 

His leg was bouncing with anxiety and I placed a hand just above his knee to steady it. I knew he took physical touch well normally, but he was even more appreciative of it when he was feeling like this, 'do you need a hug?'. He let out a nervous breath and nodded silently. I moved to the end of the couch, and motioned for him to follow. I lay down on my back and he slotted himself between my legs, head on my chest and his arms wrapped tightly around my body. The blanket was still wrapped around us both and I wrapped my own arms around him, rubbing small circles at the bottom of his neck, playing with his hair every now and then.

We didn't speak, we just waited for the text. I felt my eyes grow heavy but I fought the urge to sleep, but my comforting hands on Clay soon became slower and I eventually let sleep take over me, content with Clay on top of me. 

A phone ringtone blared through the room, startling me. Seconds later Clay shot up and scrambled for his phone, answering it immediately while rubbing his eyes. He must have fallen asleep too. His face changed from a look of panic to a look of relief. I brought my attention away from him and reached for my phone, lazily checking the time, squinting when the light of the screen hit my eyes. 3am. We must have been asleep for about 2 hours. I put two and two together to figure out Laura's family lived around 4 hours away, shit that's far away.

Clay ended the phone call with a, 'I love you, bye' and turned to me, 'she got there safely'. I sleepily nodded, smiling slightly - I was also relived she got home safely. My eyes closed again but Clay softly shook me, 'hey, don't fall asleep on the couch'. I groaned and stayed still, not wanting to move from my comfy position. Clay chuckled lowly, voice still full of sleep. I suddenly felt myself being picked up and I instinctively wrapped my arms around whatever I could. I opened my eyes to see Clay, grinning down at me as he carried me, bridal style, up the stairs.

I was going in and out of sleep as he carried me to my room and he placed me on my bed before tucking me under the sheets. I whispered a tired, 'thank you', and he leaned down to place a kiss my forehead before leaving to go to his room. The feeling of his lips lingered on me and I blushed deeply as I rolled over, finally letting sleep take over once again.


	8. Be my mistake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'Cause I get lonesome sometimes....then be my mistake'
> 
> cw - light smut
> 
> \---------------

It had been a few days since Laura had left to go back to her family and Clay was starting to become more settled and less worried about her. Yes, of course he was still worried, but not as much as he was when she was driving there. 

Clay walked into the room, speaking, 'alright, thank you, bye', as he ended a phone call he was on. We all turned to him expectantly, curious to what the call was about. He looked at us, slight hesitance in his voice.

'That was the renovators, they said it's going to take longer than they originally thought because something happened and they found a leak that interfered with the electrics', he informed us at he sat down next to me. I pursed my lips and nodded, 'well, you're still welcome to stay here if it's alright with you two?', I half asked, half stated, looking towards Nick and George.

The two boys smiled and agreed, seemingly happy about having Clay live with us for longer. _I secretly was too._

'Have you spoken to Laura today?', George asked. Clay nodded, 'yeah, she said the funeral is this weekend'. It was Thursday today so she was staying longer than I had thought. 'When is she coming back?', I questioned.

He shrugged, 'I'm guessing sometime next week, I didn't want to ask in case she thought I was rushing her to get home'. He sighed before speaking again, 'don't tell her about the apartment until she gets back, I don't want her to be anymore stressed than she already is'. We all nodded in compliance, understanding it wasn't the best idea to add fuel to the fire.

'I'm gonna chill in my room for a bit', Clay spoke up after a few minutes of silence. It wasn't an awkward silence, it was more of a comforting, no need to talk type of silence. I stood up as Clay did too, 'I'm going to go shower'. We both left the room, still not talking and dispersed to different rooms when we reached the second floor.

I stepped into the shower when the water was a little too hot, but it was still nice. I let my muscles relax under the hot water and my mind started to wander. Clay was going to be staying longer which I'm pleased about, but that also means it'll more difficult for me to hide how fucking attracted I am to him and how in love with him I am. The frequent moments we keep having don't make it any easier either, and not to mention his 'risky' comments.

I thought back to game night and what he had said, _'how 'bout suck my dick when I win'._ I bit my lip and closed my eyes, shamelessly imagining myself sinking to my knees and kneeling in front of him, staring up at him with fake innocence. My hands rested themselves around my neck, squeezing lightly before trailing down my body, one hand resting on my chest, the other inching closer and closer to the throbbing between my thighs.

I sighed out in contentment when I made direct contact with my clit, circling it slowly. Visions of taking Clay into my mouth infected my head and I slowly inserted a finger inside of me, already embarrassingly wet. I let out a breathy moan when I curled my finger, hitting a pleasurable spot whilst also kneading my tits with my other hand. I hastily added another finger, growing more impatient with myself. I imagined myself choking around Clay as he gripped my hair to keep me still as he mercilessly trusted in and out of my mouth.

My fingers sped up and my moans became more frequent. The pure thought of Clay was almost enough to send me over the edge and I could feel the orgasm already building. I dropped my other hand from my chest to circle my clit as I pumped my fingers in and out of me, curling them in a desperate attempt to chase my high. My pants turned into a more needy, high pitched whine as the burning sensation in my lower stomach grew at a rapid rate. 

The thought of Clay's thrusts becoming sloppy and him letting out a gruff, guttural moan as he released into my mouth was more than enough for me to curl my fingers one more time which caused me to moan out, 'Clay!' as well as a string of swears as I came all over my fingers.

Shame quickly filled my head when I realised I had just masturbated over one of my best friends, who also has a girlfriend who is slowly becoming an amazing friend. I sighed and shook my head as I finished my shower routine and scurried to my room, trying to run away from the shame I left in the bathroom.

I towel dried my hair and shoved it into a bun and threw on some clothes that I couldn't be bothered to check were mine or not. But from the way the hoodie landed to my thighs, and the sleeves drowned my hands it was obvious that the hoodie wasn't mine.

I strode out of my room but instantly stopped when I passed Clay's room and heard soft singing coming from behind the door. I leant against the door for a few seconds, just listening to the comforting music and the sound of his voice before I gently knocked on the door and walked in. Clay was stood in the middle of his room, staring at his phone. His head shot up when he heard the door open, but he relaxed when he saw it was me. I smiled at him and walked further into the room and sat down on his bed. It's still as comfy as it remembered.

'You okay?', Clay asked smiling at me, there was a subtle look behind the smile, and for the first time ever, I couldn't figure it out. Smug? Cocky? Proud almost? I couldn't put my finger on it and it annoyed me slightly.

I nodded and brought my legs up to my chest, hugging them as I moved my head to the music. Clay hummed along as he sat next to me and we sat in a comfortable silence for the remainder of that song. 

The sound of a guitar strumming indicated that the next song had started. Clay grinned, stood up and held his hand out for me to grab, 'dance with me', he asked.

I widened my eyes, surprised at the offer. He wanted to dance with me? I hesitantly placed my hand in his and he pulled me up to the middle of the room. The lyrics sang us through the dance as his placed his hands on my waist and swayed us slowly, _'be my mistake, then turn out the lights'._ Clay sang along lowly, it was comforting to listen to. I wrapped my arms around his neck and we continued to sway. It was intimate. To me at least, I didn't know if he felt the same. I was enjoying this, even though there was a nagging feeling telling me it was wrong.

He pulled me closer so that I was pressed against his chest and he leant down to bury his face into my neck, sighing happily. I froze slightly at the sudden change in contact. Surely he knew how intimate this was now? _'So don't wait outside my hotel room, just wait 'til I give you a sign'_ , he continued.

I swayed with him, my mind blank but so full at the same time. If anybody walked in, it would look really sus, we were so close. But Nick and George are too preoccupied with whatever they're going downstairs and Laura isn't here. _She isn't here._

_'Save all the jokes you're gonna make, while I see how much drink I can take'_ , he pulled slightly and looked at me as he sang the next line, _'then be my mistake'_. I was too flustered to see if there was a deeper meaning to what he just did as he buried his face back into my neck and his lips softly brushed against me.

However, that was nothing compared to how flustered I was going to get as he spoke up after a few more seconds of silent swaying, 'I heard you in the shower'. I stopped all my movements and my face turned to a look of sheer panic and dread. Surely not? There's no way he heard? Maybe he's just fucking with me...right?

'W-what?', I stuttered, not daring say anything else. I felt him smirk into my neck and he squeezed me which made me press closer to him, if that was even possible. 'I heard you. Your little pants, breathy moans', he paused for a second and brought his lips to my ear, dropping his voice to a raspy whisper, 'the way you moaned my name. I heard it all'. The gentle music still playing was a bittersweet irony to the situation happening right now.

He gripped my hips, making me gasp, 'what? You're not going to answer?', I opened and closed my mouth multiple times, not knowing what to say. He chuckled, almost menacingly, 'you're so quiet now. You sure had a lot to say in the shower', I blushed as soon as he said that. My body becoming hot with a mixture of embarrassment, shame but also attraction? Was I secretly happy he heard me?

He pulled away and stared directly into my eyes, as if to push me into saying something, anything. I let out a shaky breath, 'I'm sorry?', I said, voice rising higher towards the end as if it was a question. Clay's eyes looked at my lips and his face twisted into a look of deep thought, as if he was debating with himself. I kept my eyes on him as he flicked between my eyes and my lips and my breathing became shallow. His hands were still on my hips and my arms were still wrapped around his neck and I unconsciously pulled at the bottom of his hair gently. His eyes fluttered shut and he audibly swallowed.

He snapped his eyes open and looked at me, eyes full of desire and lust, 'fuck it', he muttered and placed his lips on mine. I widened my eyes and pulled away in surprise. As much as I would love to kiss him back and let him have his way with me, I couldn't do that to Laura. 'Clay...', I trailed off.

He looked down, seemingly disappointed in himself and pulled away from me fully, moving to sit on the edge of his bed, his head in his hands. I sighed but moved to kneel in front of him, taking his hands into mine. I fought a blush that crept onto my face when I realised the position we were in was the same one I had thought about when I came. 'You have no idea how much I want to, you really don't. But you're with Laura, I can't hurt her like that, _you_ can't hurt her like that', I softly said.

His jaw clenched and he kept his head down. I reached a hand up to tilt his head towards me but he moved his face away from my hand. I furrowed my brows and pulled my other hand away that was still holding his. I quickly became annoyed, 'don't be angry with me'. He let out an irritated sigh, 'I'm not angry at you, I'm angry at myself. I don't know why I let myself do that'.

I moved to sit next to him, 'if you weren't with her I would've kissed you back'. Clay finally looked up and turned to face me, 'I shouldn't have let it get that far, why did I let it get this far?', he was putting himself down. He always did this when he made a mistake, it was always 'I could have done better', 'I should've done this instead'. I shook my head, 'because you wanted to', I answered him, even if it was rhetorical.

He took his attention away from me, and stared straight ahead, 'you're right. And that it was frustrates me the most. You make it very difficult to not want to kiss you, especially after what I heard earlier'. I played with the hem of whoever's hoodie I was wearing and he pointed out, 'you're wearing my hoodie'. _Well that answers the question of whose hoodie it was._ 'And I hate that I think you look better in it than she does', he added, a spiteful look on his face. I bit the inside of my cheek, not knowing whether to be flattered or upset at the backhanded compliment.

He shook his head and scoffed a laugh as he let himself fall backwards so he was lying on the bed, feet dangling off the edge, 'this is so fucked', he dragged his hands down his face. I was about to speak but Nick's voice boomed through the house, calling for me to meet him downstairs. I looked at Clay apologetically and he waved his hand lazily, a silent way of telling me that it was okay for me to leave. I looked at him one last time before walking out of the room, trying to appear normal to Nick.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The day passed slowly, and Clay and I kept exchanging glances whenever we saw each other. They were the sort of glances you'd give your childhood crush and immediately blush after.

His words would replay in my head every so often and my mind clouded with confusion, _'and I hate that I think you look better in it than her', 'fuck it', you make it very difficult to not want to kiss you'._ Did he feel the same way about me as I felt about him? Were there feelings he was hiding from everyone, including himself? This was all just so confusing.

I was lying in my bed, carelessly scrolling though my phone, bored out of my mind. Suddenly, my phone chimed and a message from Laura appeared on my screen, my heart dropped.

_Are you free to call?_

Anxiety rushed through my veins. Did she know? Had Clay told her that he kissed me? I took a deep breath and answered with _sure,_ before pressing the call button. I picked at the skin on my lips as I waited for her to answer the call, my heart was beating rapidly.

The ringing stopped, indicating she had answered and her voice softly flowed through the speakers of the phone, 'hey'. I held my breath as I spoke back, 'hey, you okay?'.

I heard her sigh on the other end of the phone, 'I guess, I just needed some girl time. It's difficult being around my family for so long'. I left out a sigh of relief, knowing she didn't know about the kiss. 'Oh, that's okay. How've you been?'.

'It's been...tough. Losing a relative is hard but I didn't realise just how painful it'd be', she confessed. I tried my best to comfort her, 'you're handling it amazingly though, you've been so strong and I'm proud of you'. I heard her sniffle, 'thank you', she whispered.

I tried to lighten the mood and we talked for around an hour and a half, surprisingly we laughed and joked the entire time. We told stories of our childhood, some including Clay and by the end of the call we were both crying with laughter, 'no way he actually did that!', Laura giggled down the phone. I let out a long, almost painful wheeze, causing her to laugh louder, 'I'm telling you, he actually ate cat shit!'.

We spoke a little while longer before exchanging goodbyes and hanging up the phone. I was happy, the phone call went well and I felt closer to her than I did before, I guess girl time really does help. I did however, feel more guilty about my feelings towards Clay, knowing she loved him, but I loved him just as much, if not more. _Definitely more._

Once I had grown comfortable with the silence of my room, my phone chimed again and a message from Clay flashed across my screen.

_Come to my room_

Was all it said. Okay then, demanding much?

I sighed but lazily wandered to Clay's room, not bothering to knock and just let myself in. Clay was lying on top of his bed, staring at the ceiling. He patted the space next to him, acknowledging my arrival and silently telling me to lie with him. I complied and wordlessly lay in the spot next to him. 'I spoke to Laura, she said you both had a nice phone call', he said. I nodded, 'yeah, we talked a lot about our childhood'.

He hummed and we fell back into silence. It was nice. Considering it was around 1:30am, I felt my eyes go heavy but my tiredness quickly vanished when I felt Clay shift and move his hand to hold mine. I froze, hand holding never hurt anybody, right? I relaxed and let him intertwine his fingers with mine, his large hands engulfing my own. His hands were big, I bet they'd feel good- _stop._

I squeezed his hand subconsciously and he squeezed back, rubbing circles on my hand with his thumb. I smiled and let my eyes close once again. They were back open just as fast however, when he spoke, 'I still want to kiss you'. My breathing stopped and I had to close my eyes to collect my thoughts. 'Really?', I asked.

He let out a quiet, frustrated groan and he turned to me. I stared at him, not moving a single muscle, afraid it'll ruin the moment. We looked at each other for a few minutes, not saying anything. His eyes kept flickering to my lips and he squeezed my hand again. 'Clay', I warned, knowing I wasn't going to be able to control myself if he kept staring at me the way he was. His eyes flicked up from my lips to my eyes and looked at me with something I could only describe as _want._

'Please', he whispered, voice dripping in vulnerability. _Fuck._ My mind wandered to Laura, thinking about her laying in bed upset about her grandmother, completely unaware of what her boyfriend was asking. He stared at me with pleading eyes and I broke, my control slipping completely. I nodded, giving him permission. He hastily moved so he was hovering over me and delicately placed his lips onto mine. I kissed him back gently and oh my fucking god, did it feel good. More than good - it was euphoric, exhilarating.

He whined into the kiss, yes! Whined! And pushed himself more passionately into the kiss, I reciprocated with just as much passion and our lips moved in sync beautifully. His tongue swiped my lower lip and I happily gave him access, our tongues danced together and the kiss was deepened. It felt right, like the stars had aligned at the perfect angle, like the sun hitting the water in the perfect way. I wrapped my arms around his neck, gently pulling him closer and tugging on the back of his hair.

I knew it was wrong, he knew it was wrong, hell, even the dirty clothes sprawled on the floor knew it was wrong but at this moment in time, I couldn't care less. All my focus was put into the way kissing Clay felt. I wanted to savour the moment because I didn't know if it would happen again. 

We both pulled away breathlessly, panting for air. We stared at each other and we both then let out a laugh, the situation somehow becoming funny to us. He rolled off me and lay back down next to me. 'Stay in here tonight', he said. I looked at him sceptically, an eyebrow raised. 'I won't try anything, I just want you here', he ensured me and I agreed without a second thought. Spending time with Clay was something I never wanted to pass up, of course I agreed.

He pulled the covers back and we snuggled down into the sheets, he grabbed the TV remote and turned on some bullshit TV show I knew nothing about for some background noise. I rolled onto my side and Clay pressed himself against my back, snaking an arm around my waist, pulling me closer to him. I smiled and let him, heart warming at the feeling. I was happy. 

My eyes once again grew heavy and I was falling in and out of sleep. I felt Clay push himself even closer to me and bury his face into my neck, kissing it and whispering, 'you have no idea how long I have wanted to do that for'. I grinned to myself. _Neither do you Clay, no idea at all._ I thought before I fell into probably one of the best sleeps of my entire existence. 


	9. High Enough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You are my citadel, you are my wishing well, my baby blue.
> 
>   
> How are we feeling after the last chapter besties :))))
> 
> \----------------------------

I woke up the next day wrapped in Clay's arms, my face pressed into his chest, his cheek resting on the top of my head. I smiled and shifted slowly, careful not to wake him and looked up at him. He looked so peaceful, his face slightly squished because of how his cheek was resting on me. I sighed happily and he stirred slightly to pull me closer to him, warmth radiating off him which made me feel sleepy all over again. I fought the urge to sleep because I wanted to be awake when he woke up.

I wanted to see if he regretted what he did last night, I wanted to see it, first hand, when he woke up and realised he was holding me, not her.

I didn't have to wait long because his eyes soon peeled open and he let out a sleepy cough. 'Good morning', he gruffly spoke. I had to squeeze my thighs shut to ignore the tingle I felt when I heard his morning voice. 'Good morning, did you sleep okay?', I asked.

I saw him smile as he rolled away from me, letting out a loud groan as he stretched. My thighs clamped tighter at the noise he produced and I steadied myself as he spoke again, 'did I sleep okay? I slept like a fucking baby'. I laughed, responding with, 'honestly, same'.

From what I had seen so far, he didn't seem to regret last night. Maybe I was overthinking it, it was only a kiss. _It was only a kiss._

Clay stood up and held his hand out to help me up too, I smiled and let him pull me up and it was my turn to stretch, my muscles tight from being curled up into Clay all night. I lifted my arms above my head and involuntary let out a sigh of relief, sounding very much like a moan. Clay snapped his head to look at me, his face displaying a soft blush. I chose to ignore it and spoke up, 'I need a coffee, you coming or no?'. Clay shook his head, 'no, I'm gonna head for a shower', he said with mild discomfort, as if he was in pain. 

I noticed what was causing him the discomfort, a slight tent in his joggers and I bit my lip gently, but once again, I tried to ignore it. However, I couldn't let this one slide, a little teasing never hurt anybody.

I subtly smirked, knowing he would notice it and stretched again, this time purposefully letting out a quite moan. I then walked passed Clay, looked at him and smiled, 'make sure you keep the noise down in the shower, big man', the slight dig at myself was worth it when Clay's face twisted into a look of embarrassment and he dropped his head, making me laugh as I left his bedroom, bumping his shoulder with mine.

I happily made my way into the kitchen and turned on the kettle, humming to myself. 'Someone's happy this morning', Nick's voice interrupted me. I grinned and nodded, 'just in a good mood. Do you want a drink?'. Nick smiled as he watched me waltz around the kitchen, 'coffee would be nice, please and thank you'. I acknowledged what he said and pulled two mugs out of the cupboard.

'I came to see you last night but you weren't in your room', Nick informed me. I froze my movements and quickly tried to make up an excuse, 'well-, you see-, I needed to... take my fish for a walk', I stuttered, cringing at whatever the fuck that excuse was. Nick huffed out a laugh, 'we don't even own any fish'. I slowly looked at him, knowing I couldn't really lie my way out of it, well, maybe just a little white lie, 'I just slept over in Clay's room, we were watching Netflix and I fell asleep'.

Nick raised an eyebrow, not really believing me but didn't push it any further which I was thankful for. I finished making the drinks and slid into the island seat next to him, handing him his coffee whilst taking a small sip of my own. George walked into the kitchen, lazily making himself a coffee too. I laughed into the air, 'coffee gang'.

Clay sauntered in soon after, a small smirk resting on his lips. _That was quick._ 'Good morning, you dicks', he grinned. We all greeted him with the same sassy attitude which put a playful mood into the air.

George and Clay joined me and Nick at the island and we exchanged in casual conversation, laughing and joking together. Clay's phone broke us all away from the conversation however, and he apologised before walking away and answering with an enthusiastic, 'hello, baby'. I felt a pang in my heart, knowing who he was talking to. I had to hide my slight change in mood from the other boys as they pulled me back into the conversation we were having before the phone rang.

I tried my best to ignore the phone call conversation that was happening but I couldn't help listening in. 'I know, I can't wait until you're home', Clay said quietly as if he was trying to make sure I didn't hear. I couldn't hear what Laura answered back but from the small laugh and blush that spread across Clay's face I could assume it was something _cute_ or _cheesy._ I shook my head and turned my attention back to the other two as the phone call came to an end with, 'I love you more, see you soon'.

I frowned when I felt Clay discretely place his hand on my lower back as he walked over to us and to stand next to me. I sat up straighter, pulling myself away from his hand, causing him to look at me, confused. I bit the inside of my cheek and refused to look at him, trying to focus on the animated way Nick was talking as he told a story. 

I didn't have the right to be jealous, that was his _girlfriend._ I was just his best friend who he happened to kiss and cuddle all night.

Clay spoke up once Nick had finished his story, 'Laura said she's coming home in 3 days. The funeral went smoothly but she just wanted a few extra days with her family'. Only three days, potentially alone with Clay. 

I sighed but nodded, showing I had understood was he said. I still felt guilty about the kiss, as much as I enjoyed it. Fuck did I enjoy it - probably a little too much. I wanted more. It was like the kiss was the gateway into addiction and now I desperately craved more. I pinched my arm to snap myself out of it.

'Should we bake some cupcakes for her to come back to?', I asked, it was the only thing I could think of that might alleviate some of the guilt. The boys grinned and agreed excitedly. 'We should do a practice round today so we don't fuck it up on the day she comes back', Nick said. That was a smart idea.

We all darted around the kitchen, looking for the right ingredients but to our dismay, we were missing a lot of what we needed. 'I can go out and get what we need', Clay offered. I pulled out my phone to find a recipe to see what we needed. 'You can come with me too', I looked up from my phone to see Clay staring at me. I sighed but agreed, I wanted to make the most of the time we had together before she came home. 'Alright, let's get changed and then we can go'.

I came prancing downstairs after getting changed, excited at the idea of baking with the boys. Clay followed shortly after and we said our goodbyes before walking out of the house and to Clay's car. He sped ahead and opened my door for me, making me scoff but blush lightly. 

Clay was soon in the drivers seat and zooming down the streets to the closest supermarket. I flinched slightly when I felt a large, warm hand on my thigh. I looked up to Clay but his eyes were fixed on the road ahead of us. I smiled to myself and decided to be a little bold and place my hand on top of his, linking our fingers together. I heard Clay sigh happily, trying to fight a smile that I saw crawl onto his face. We held hands the whole way to the shop but unfortunately, we had to stop once we arrived. Clay grabbed one of the trollies but gave me a look of confusion when I stopped him. He let out a loud wheeze when he saw me climb into the trolley and sit down.

'I have to push you around huh', he faked complained but started pushing the trolley anyway. I giggled to myself, and took out my phone, looking at the ingredients we needed. 

The shopping trip consisted of me directing Clay where to go from the trolley and strangers giving us weird looks. We laughed the entire time and I felt happy. It was an amazing experience and I wish it would last forever. But, time flies when you're having fun and before I knew it, Clay was pushing the trolley back to the car, me still in it, surrounded with bags of ingredients as well as extras like drinks, crisps and more. 

Clay loaded up the car and I stood up in the trolley, stumbling slightly after being sat down in the same position for so long. I felt hands grab my waist, 'be careful', Clay smiled up at me, me being taller than him from standing in the trolley. I smiled back and gasped when he effortlessly lifted me out of the trolley and placed me in front of him. His hands stayed on my waist and he looked down at me. He was now the taller one. I hooked my fingers around the belt loops on his jeans.

'Can I kiss you again?', he whispered. I didn't hesitate at all and I nodded. I closed my eyes as he leant in and soon enough, his lips were pressed against mine. I kissed him back instantly. It felt so right kissing him. Butterflies erupted in my stomach when he pulled me closer and he softly moaned as I grabbed the back of his hair, tugging lightly. I quickly pulled myself away, not wanting to get too carried away in a car park. He rested our foreheads together as we caught our breath.

'Come on, let's get home before the boys get annoyed', I said and drew myself back, getting into the car.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

'No! I said 400 grams of flour, not 200, you melt!', I shouted at George who was already getting frustrated. 'What? Why so much?!', he shouted back. Clay and Nick were watching in amusement when I spoke up again, 'because we're doubling the mixture so we have more'.

The baking was going... let's be honest, it was going shit. We were all shouting over one another and getting the measurements wrong. It was lucky this was a test run because we would be utterly fucked if this was the real thing.

I yelped when I felt a firm hand come into contact with my ass, making me look down to see a white, flour covered hand print on my leggings. I shot my head up, seeing Nick hunched over, laughing. _So it was him._ I silently crept behind him as he was still laughing and slapped his ass right back, leaving my own hand print. Nick jolted and turned to me, surprised. We looked at each other before I wheezed, making us burst into a fit of laughter. George was desperately trying to get the measurements right so was paying no attention to us, but Clay had a stone cold expression as he watched me and Nick.

I furrowed my brows at him but my attention was pulled away when I felt another slap on the other side of my ass. Nick laughed louder as I chased him around the kitchen in an attempt to get him back. We soon ran out of breath and agreed to stop. 

'Should I put on some music?', Nick asked and I instantly nodded, still panting slightly. I was so out of shape.

A few songs played and we all danced together, Clay losing his negative expression and replacing it with a gleeful look as he danced with us.

The song changed and _High Enough_ came on, making me clap. I loved this song. _'I don't like anyone better than you, it's true'_ , I started singing as the lyrics blasted through the speakers. I carried on singing as George and I mixed the batter in separate bowls. _'You are my citadel, you are my wishing well, my baby blue'._

We all kept dancing and laughing, working together to make the cupcakes. It was such a fun experience and I wanted it to do this more often. Even though we get annoyed at each other, it was never a malice annoyance, it was always playful.

The chorus rolled in and I grinned as I threw my head back, swaying my hips and singing loudly, _'but I don't need drugs, 'cause I'm already high enough'._ The song made me want to dance like a stripper. As blunt as that statement is, it's true.

I kept swaying and looked towards Clay who was already staring, biting his lips subtly, but we've all learnt by now that I can see his subtle looks. I held eye contact as I sang, _'I only, I only, I only got eyes for you'._ He held the eye contact, not backing down as he watched me sing and dance. Nick was still dancing but was also helping George but the batter in the cupcake cases so neither of them were aware of me and Clay.

He kept watching me and I put on a show for him, running my hands through my hair, _'I used to like liquor to get me inspired._  
 _But you look so beautiful, my new supplier',_ I sang as I walked to him, running my finger across his jaw, careful to make sure Nick or George weren't watching. Clay half smiled, half smirked and shook his head as he swiped his tongue to the inside of his cheek. I cheekily grinned back.

The song continued and Clay started dancing with me, spinning me around and laughing, soon enough drawing the attention of Nick and George who had finished putting the cupcakes into the oven. A smile spread across their faces and Nick turned the music up as him and George joined in dancing with us.

The song came to a end and we all panted, out of breath from all the dancing. But, we were soon all dancing again when another song came booming through the speakers. It was like the old times again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The cupcakes turned out surprisingly well and we had already eaten half of them. At least we know they would turn out well when we make them for Laura. _Oh shit, Laura._

We all spent the rest of the day together, watching Netflix, laughing and playing Uno. It was now about midnight and we had all left to go to our rooms. I had music playing quietly and I was softly singing when there was a short knock at my door. I didn't have chance to tell whoever it was to come in because the door was already opening and Clay walked in. He shut the door behind him and flopped down onto my bed.

'Come in, I guess', I laughed and turned to him. He smiled back, 'I wanted to hang in here for a bit'. My heart fluttered, _he wanted to spend time with me._

We talked for a while and half way though his sentence, Clay eyed the polaroid George had gotten me for my birthday that was sat on my desk. He stood up and grabbed it, 'have you used it yet?', he asked.

I slowly nodded my head, 'I have! I took some pictures at my party', I said and walked over to him, opening my desk draw and pulled out some pictures. He looked through them and smiled. 'Can we take some photos?', he asked gently. My body felt warm with happiness, 'of course'.

I took the polaroid camera from him and held it up, facing us. Clay smiled widely and I grinned at him. My finger slipped and I accidently pressed the take photo button before I had chance to look at the lens. The flash blinded us both for a few seconds as the photo developed. I held the photo and we both leaned in together to look at it. The photo became more and more clearer. Clay was looking as gorgeous as ever, grinning at the camera whilst I was looking at Clay, smiling just as wide. It actually turned out really cute. 

Clay turned to me, 'you're looking at me as if you're in love'. _Ha! If only he knew!_ I blushed and I quickly held the camera up again, this time making sure I was looking at the camera. Clay stuck his tongue out and I let out a laugh, taking the photo. It developed and the flash had highlighted the soft blush on my cheeks and also bringing out just how green Clay's eyes were. We both laughed at the photo and I checked to see how many photos were left. 'Okay, we have one more'.

I held the camera up one more time, getting ready to take the photo. Just as I pressed the button for the flash to go off, Clay placed his hand on my cheek to turn my head towards him and gently placed his lips on mine. My eyes fluttered shut and I took the photo.

We both smiled lightly to ourselves as we waited for the photo to become clearer. Once it did, our smiles widened. The photo was captured perfectly, his hand on my cheek, both our lips locked beautifully. 'I love it', Clay whispered, staring at the photo. _I love you._

I took the three photos and placed them into my desk draw with the other photos from the party and then sat back down on my bed, Clay sitting down too. 

We were quiet for a moment, appreciating the silence. Clay was the first one to break it, 'I think we need to have a conversation'. I froze, not expecting that to be the thing he said. I agreed however, 'Yeah, we do'.

'So...', he started. 'So...', I copied. Neither of us knowing how to start.

'We've kissed a few times', he stated. I nodded awkwardly, 'yes, we have'. This conversation was not going very well.

'How do you feel about that?', I decided to ask. Clay thought about it for a second, 'I feel good but guilty. I enjoy being around you and you make me feel good, _really_ good. But, I'm with Laura'. _But he's with Laura._

I sighed, 'You make me feel good too'. Clay ran his hands down his face, 'this situation is so difficult. I love her, so much but I can't ignore the way I feel about you. It was easy to ignore it when I was in my own apartment, but now that I'm here again for a while, it's getting harder and harder control my feelings for you', he confessed.

I lay down on my back and he copied. I boldly grabbed his hand and he let me lace our fingers together, 'The longer you stay here, the less control I have. You keep flirting and making these bold statements, even in front of Laura. You make it hard to hide how I feel about you', I told him.

'And how do you feel about me?', he quietly asked, staring at the ceiling, the soft music still dancing around the room. 'I can't tell you that', I knew it would complicate things more if he knew just how much I loved him. He starting rubbing comforting circles on my hand with his thumb. 

'Please tell me, I need to know where I stand with you', he was still watching the ceiling. I remained silent, figuring it out the best way to put my feelings into words. Was I really about to confess how I feel?

'You know how a moth is drawn to a flame, or how magnets instantly snap together? How bees love flowers or how gas fuels a fire? How paints mix to make beautiful colours or how we need water or we die?', I softly asked. Clay hummed and nodded, showing he was listening. 'That is how I feel about you', I said.

Clay's eyes closed and he squeezed my hand in his before he whispered an also inaudible, 'I feel the exact same way'.


	10. Leave your lover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set my midnight sorrow free, I will give you all of me. Just leave your lover, leave them for me.
> 
> Kinda short chapter today! Thank you all for reading so far!
> 
> \----------------

The boys and I were frantically running around the kitchen, trying to perfect the cupcakes. Laura would be home in the next hour and we needed to make sure the cupcakes would be ready on time.

'If we wait any longer to put them in the oven Nick, then the cupcakes won't have time to cool which means we can't put the icing on', George scolded Nick as he started slowing down. Nick rolled his eyes and sarcastically spat, 'Yes chef'. George placed a sassy hand on his hip, 'if you can't handle the heat then get out of the kitchen'.

Clay and I let out a loud wheeze at George's comment. We had already made our batches of cupcakes and were waiting for them to cool, so it was only Nick and George's left to do. 'Chop chop boys, we wouldn't want the cupcake queen herself to see you messing them up', I laughed. The two hectic boys shot me a glare before putting the cupcakes into the oven, thankfully on time.

Both Clay and my cupcakes had cooled so we started decorating, Clay kept bumping his hip against mine, grinning to himself when I would bump his hip back. I didn't realise how long it took us to finish decorated before the boys were pulling out their cupcakes and fanning them in an attempt to cool them quicker. I stood back and admired my masterpiece, 'oh my god, I am so talented, go me!', I praised myself. Clay laughed as he finished his last cupcake.

George and Nick managed to finish decorated their cupcakes just as Laura walked through the front door, 'hello guys!', she greeted us happily, seemingly relieved to see us all. 

Clay beamed as he walked up to her and engulfed her in a huge hug, swaying slowly, 'I missed you', I heard her say, 'I missed you more, gorgeous', he replied into her neck as he buried his face into it. I fought the urge to roll my eyes, _sure you did buddy, sure you did._

She pulled away and immediately wrapped her arms around me, 'I wasn't gone for long but I missed having girl time and hearing you sing!'. I hugged her back and a wave of guilt washed through me. _Me and your boyfriend have made out, and you have no idea._

George spoke up once we had stopped hugging, 'we have a surprise for you in the kitchen'. He guided her into the kitchen, the rest of us following closely behind.

She took a deep breath through her nose, 'can I smell cup-'. Nick was quick to interrupt her, 'we made you cupcakes!'

Laura gasped and immediately picked one of them up, taking a delicate bite. She moaned at the taste, 'oh my god, this tastes amazing!'. I quickly realised it was mine, 'I made that one!'. She smiled at me, 'I see I taught you well then!'.

She tried the other cupcakes, eliciting the same reaction and she complimented us all on our bakes, 'this is such a nice surprise to come back to, thank you all so much', she pulled us all in for a group hug and Clay's hand found mine behind our backs, giving my hand a squeeze before we all pulled away.

We all made our way into the living room, flopping down onto the sofa. 'Is there anything you want to do today, babe?', Clay asked her. She quickly shook her head, 'I just want to relax. It's been so chaotic back at home, I just want to spend time with you all', she dropped her voice to a whisper, talking to Clay, 'and spend time with you'. I almost missed the subtle smirk he gave her, understanding what she was implying. I frowned slightly but shook the negative feeling away, opting to suggest, 'would you just like to watch a couple films then?'. Everyone agreed and we all changed into comfier clothes and soon enough, we had Netflix loaded up and Clay and George were arguing about what to watch.

Nick, Laura and I watched in amusement at the comical way the boys bickered. Laura sighed happily from the other side of the couch, 'I somehow missed all the pointless bickering from you lot'. I snickered at her comment whilst Clay and George rolled their eyes. 'How about we let Laura choose was film', Nick said.

Laura swiftly turned her head to me, 'any suggestions?', I thought for a moment and shook my head, my mind going blank. Laura grinned, a devilish look in her eyes, 'Alright then, we can watch a romance film'. The chorus of groans from the rest of us was loud. We hated romance films. But, we knew Laura deserved time to relax, and I was in absolutely no place to complain about her choices.

She chose probably one of the most sappy romance films she could find and curled up into Clay's side like she always does. I pulled out my phone, not interesting in the film at all.

By the end of the film, Laura was sobbing, the film making her emotional, 'oh she's so in love with him but he doesn't know!', she cried out. I scoffed, _ironic right?_

I had no clue what the film was about, nor did I want to know. I was focused on my phone the entire time, and if I wasn't looking at my phone, I was glancing at Clay and Laura. His attention on either the film or on her. They were smiling together the whole time, engaging in small conversations and lovey dovey compliments. He hadn't acknowledged me all day, which is understandable I guess. I mean, who doesn't go around ignoring the woman you kissed behind your girlfriend's back whilst she mourned her dead grandmother? A totally normal thing to do. _Note the fucking sarcasm._

Laura wiped her tears and smiled, back to her happy mood, 'right! I'm going for a bath'. Clay quickly shot up, following behind her like a lost puppy as she walked out the room and upstairs. I frowned again.

'I've missed her but oh my god, I have _not_ missed how fucking sappy they are', George stated, me and Nick agreeing.

I slowly stood up, stretching as I did, 'I need a nap, I'll see you losers later'. I lazily walked out the room and up to my bedroom, passing the bathroom as I went. I could hear Clay and Laura laughing together and the splashing of water, implying that they were taking a bath together. I bit the inside of my cheek, I don't have the right to be upset, he's not my boyfriend.

I flopped onto my bed, mind clouded with thoughts. Actually, I do have the right to be upset. That dick only wanted me when Laura wasn't here. _But he said he felt the same way._ If he felt the same way then he wouldn't be with her right now. He can't just drop his girlfriend for me, not when her grandmother just died and the only other place she could live is under construction.

My inner conflict got me angry, on the one hand, yes, Clay did say he felt the same way, he kissed me, multiple times. But on the other hand, he practically ignored me the second Laura got home. I was angry. Angry nap is it then.

I angrily pulled the bed covers over me, I angrily hit my head down onto my pillow and I angrily let out a huff...a huff of anger.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I woke up about 3 hours later feeling a little more calm. Maybe I was just angry because I was tired. I hopped out of bed, my mood good after my nap. Waltzing down the stairs, I made my way to the kitchen to find something to eat. My happy mood instantly dissipated however when I walked in to see Laura sat on the island counter, Clay standing between her legs, making out. 

My body hurt and jealously surged through me. It hurt every single time I saw them kiss. I wish it was me.

I let out an awkward cough and the pair hastily broke apart, startled by my presence. Laura jumped down from the counter top, a deep blush on her face after getting caught. Clay had an almost guilty look on his face and he looked at me with an apologetic, awkward smile. I rolled my eyes and grumbled, 'if you're going to do that, don't do it in the kitchen where all the food is'. Laura spoke up, 'I'm so sorry! We just got a little carried away'. she tried to apologise, a genuine tone to her voice. I shrugged as I opened the cupboards, slamming it shut when I heard them leave, Clay giggling quietly and Laura shushing him.

This was so difficult, my feelings for him have only gotten stronger now that we've kissed but there's nothing I can do about it. Clay and Laura until the end of time, _woohoo._

I must have been a little too loud because Nick walked in, confused, 'what's up your ass?'. I gave him a deadpan expression, not in the mood for jokes. I turned back to loudly rummaging the cupboards for something to eat. Nick slowly walked to me and gently pulled me into a hug, 'what's wrong?', he asked. I remained silent and pressed myself further into the hug, nuzzling my face into him. He must have understood my silence and held me for a while before I pulled myself away.

He glanced to the dining room, the door open and lead me to it. I stared at him, not getting why he brought me here. He pointed to the piano, 'if you can't tell me what's wrong, then sing it'. I shook my head, 'Nick come on, I'm not in the mood'.

He stared at me, not backing down and I sighed, giving in. I sat down in front of the piano, him sitting at the chair closest to me, resting his elbows on his knees, waiting for me to start. I took a deep breath and my fingers started pressing notes effortlessly.

_'I don't have much to give, but I don't care for gold. What use is money, when you need someone to hold?',_ the first lyrics spilled out my mouth beautifully. My mind went completely blank and all I could focus on was the way my hands played the notes and the way my mouth sang the words.

_'Pack up and leave everything, don't you see what I can bring?',_ I could already feel myself getting emotional, feeling every bit of pain the lyricist felt whilst writing it. I knew Nick could hear the pain in my voice too.

_'Set my midnight sorrow free, I will give you all of me. Just leave your lover, leave them for me',_ my voice was soft, but loud with emotion, echoing around the room. If no one knew the meaning behind the song, then it would sound beautiful, intricate and award worthy. But to me, and clearly Nick, who was furrowing his brow in worry, the singing was almost unbearable to hear, having being laced with pain and agony, pent up feelings of anger, love, happiness, jealousy - all for Clay.

I kept playing the piano and I kept singing, too far gone to stop, _'We sit in bars and raise our drinks to growing old. Oh, I'm in love with you and you will never know',_ I felt hot tears fall down my face but I continued singing, Nick staying completely silent, letting me get my emotions out, _'But if I can't have you I'll walk this life alone. Spare you the rising storms and let the rivers flow'._

The song came to an end, and even though I hadn't screamed out the words, my throat felt tired and strained, _'Leave your lover, leave them for me'._

I swallowed, not daring to look up. Nick was still for a moment and then he grabbed my hands and pulled me onto his lap, wrapping his arms around me to hug me tight. I choked out a sob and I gripped the back of his shirt. He rubbed comforting stripes up and down my back, rocking and shushing me gently. 

I took a deep breath and pulled away, looking down and playing with my fingers. 'I didn't know you felt that strongly about him', Nick stated quietly, tucking a stray piece of hair behind my ear.

'I love him so much Nick, but he loves her. I'm always the bridesmaid, never the bride', I confessed to Nick.

'Listen, when it comes down to it, he loves you more. Hell, he'd walk rings around the world if you asked him to', Nick smiled.

I let out a shaky breath, 'then why is he with her?'. Nick sighed and shook his head, 'I don't know, he's a dick, too blind to see the amazing person right under his nose'

'It's just so difficult. Nick, we kissed a couple times when Laura wasn't here. It felt...it felt right, it made me love him more', I whispered. Nick looked slightly taken back, but also not surprised to find out that Clay and I had kissed, 'that complicates it a lot more then huh', he said, making me close my eyes and nod.

We fell back into silence for a while and I rested my head on Nick's shoulder, before he spoke up again, 'does she know? About the kiss?', I let out a quiet groan in frustration, 'no, she doesn't. I feel so guilty about it. She's such an amazing girl, god only knows how she'd react if she ever found out'. Nick sighed, 'I'm not going to tell her, but if I catch you guys doing anything more than hugging, I'm gonna be pissed. She doesn't deserve this, but then again, neither do you'.

I wrapped my arms around Nick again and buried my face into his neck, 'thank you', I whispered before I slid off his lap, and walked to my room, passing an upset looking Clay on the way. I ignored it, I wanted to be alone for the rest of the night and that's exactly what I did.

Alone for the rest of the night, soft music swirling around my room. I heard footsteps outside my bedroom door, they stopped right outside, as if whoever it was, was debating whether to come in or not. The moment of hesitation passed and the footsteps walked away, leaving me alone yet again.

I closed my eyes and let the music lull me to sleep, my mind fuzzy with thoughts of Clay and what Nick had said, _'he'd walk rings around the world if you asked him to'._


	11. Just a friend to you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cause friends don't do the things we do, everybody knows you love me too.
> 
> (ALSO I ACCIDENTLY POSTED THIS BEFORE I FINISHED WRITING IT SO IM SORRY IF YOU GOT THE NOTIFICATION LMAOOOO)
> 
> cw - slight smut
> 
> \--------------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT!!!! PLEASE READ!!!!
> 
> Considering that YOU are the main character in this story, I want to know who you, the reader, want the main character to end up with!! Clay, Nick or someone else (who?) PLEASE REMEMBER THAT THIS WILL EFFECT THE STORYLINE AND ULTIMATELY THE ENDING!!!
> 
> \-----------------

A week had passed and Clay and Laura were still here, Clay barely even looking in my direction. It turns out they would be staying for another few weeks due to the problems the renovators ran into. Which means another few weeks of Clay and Laura being all over each other.

I was very confused about the whole situation, even more confused after my conversation with Nick. He said Clay would walk rings around the world for me, all I had to do was ask. _All I had to do was ask..._

I shook my thoughts away as there was a knock on my bedroom door. Nick walked in, balancing a trey with a cup of tea and two croissants, 'I figured breakfast in bed might make you feel a bit better'. I beamed at him and moved up on my bed, letting him place the trey on my lap and sit beside me, 'thank you so much'. I took a sip of my tea and sighed happily - he always makes the best tea. I leant against my headboard, taking small bites of my croissant, 'should we have karaoke night today?', I asked when I had swallowed my bite.

Nick thought for a moment, 'yeah! like the good old days?'. I grinned and offered him the other croissant, which he happily took. 'Like the good old days', I repeated. We ate in comfortable silence before Nick spoke up, 'whatever happens with Clay, I'll support you. You know I love you and I want you to be happy. If things go your way, then great. But if things go to shit, I'm right by your side every step of the way and I'll do my best to help you get over him', his little declaration made my heart leap and I smiled genuinely at him, 'thank you, bubba'. I pulled him into a hug and we relished in the comforting feeling for a few seconds.

Nick soon stood up, telling me he was going to tell the others about karaoke night and left the room. I closed my eyes for a moment before standing up and also leaving the room. I followed the sound of laughter into the living room, smiling to myself when I saw everyone laughing together. They all greeted me as I sat down on the floor, leaning my back against the couch, Clay holding eye contact with me a little longer than he should.

George clapped his hands together, 'so Laura, our karaoke night has a bit of a twist'. Laura smiled, seemingly interested at the information she was about to get.

'One person chooses the first song, and then we let the auto-play feature on YouTube choose the next song. You have to sing whatever song comes up, even if you don't know the words', George informed her. She nodded in understanding, 'that seems fun!'.

We all talked for a little while longer before going separate ways, having time for ourselves before we had to all be together later.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Time passed and it quickly became late afternoon. We all sat in the living room, laughing as we tried to set up the karaoke machine. 'This fucking machine just won't work', Clay groaned, giving up. 'We can just go without it, all we need is the TV to work', I said, making the others nod.

'Okay, who picks the first song?', George asked into the room. Nick was quick to volunteer himself, 'me! I wanna see some ass, put in on right now'. I grinned and put it on, this was Nick's go-to karaoke song.

The song started and Nick got into it, dancing around shouting out, _'I wanna see some ass, baby can you do it like that?',_ he would smile right at me as he sang and danced, all of us dancing with him. He pulled me to him and held me to him as we all carried on dancing. 

The song came to an end and we were all panting and laughing, out of breath. Nick handed the remote he was using as a microphone to me and the auto-play countdown finished, the next song playing. I cheered when Bang Bang came on and I pulled Laura to me, 'sing it with me!', I shouted. She jumped in excitement and grabbed the other TV remote.

The song started and I began singing, _'she got a body like an hourglass, but I can give it to you all the time',_ the boys cheered us on and we danced together, smiling and laughing. I sang both Jessie and Ariana's verses and I glanced at Clay as I sang the next line that blasted through the room, _'I heard you've got a very big...mouth but don't say a thing',_ making him smirk slightly. Laura wrapped her arms around me and swayed her hips as I shamelessly held eye contact with Clay, _'you need a bad girl to blow your mind'._

He stared right back at me, tongue swiping across his bottom lip. We were both pulled out of the moment however, when Laura started rapping along to Niki's verse flawlessly. Everybody's jaw dropped and she laughed through the lyrics, not missing a single beat. The song finished and we were all lost for words, 'wha-, how-, huh?', Clay spluttered out.

She giggled at our reactions, 'the coffee shops plays the same playlist over and over and that song is on it'. We laughed again and the night continued with smiles, laughs and jokes.

George and Clay both had their turns. Clay and Laura had sang a sappy duet, making me both cringe and fill with jealousy. But my sour feelings were washed away when George had to sing a Britney Spears song, making us all howl with laughter.

Before I knew it, it was my turn again and my smile was wiped off my face when I recognised the song that started playing, the others still smiling, silently urging me to carry on, _'Why you gotta hug me like that every time you see me? Why you always making me laugh?'._

Maybe no one will understand the meaning to the song, I mean it's not that obvious, right? _'Cause friends don't do the things we do. Everybody knows you love me too',_ well shit, maybe it is obvious. I kept singing, glancing at Clay every so often to see he had a serious look on his face as he listened to the words.

_'I say it cause I'm dying to, I'm so much more than just a friend to you',_ I carried on singing, cautiously looking for Laura to see if she had noticed Clay's expression, but she wasn't in the room anymore. I felt myself being filled with nerves as I wondered where she had gone. However, I took the opportunity to look more at Clay. _Hey, when life gives you lemons._

George and Nick were too busy slow dancing with each other to even realise what the song was about, let alone see the way Clay and I were staring at each other, _'and I loved you from the start, so it breaks my heart...'_

Clay didn't take his gaze off me the whole time I was singing as if he wanted to take in every word I was singing to him, _f_ _or_ him. 

I could practically see the way his brain was processing the song, a look of deep thought painted all over his beautiful features as I sang the last line, _'I'm so much more than just a friend to you'._ We held eye contact for only another second before Laura waltzed back into the room, a bag of take away food in her hand. A small wave of relief washed through me knowing that was the reason she had left, to get us all food.

Nick and George scrambled to her, taking the food from her and and finding which food was theirs. Clay looked down and shook his head, seemingly shaking away whatever thoughts he previously had and put a forced smile on his face as he took his food from Laura, thanking her. She beamed at him, not noticing anything wrong before handing me my food making me mumbled a quiet, 'thank you'.

We all sat in the living room, me sat on the floor with my back against the couch, Clay on one side with Laura and Nick and George sprawled out on the remaining space of the couch. Clay and I ate in silence while the others engaged in an animated conversation, letting out loud chuckles every now and then. I felt my phone buzz in my pocket and pulled it out to see a message from Clay.

_I need to talk to you later tonight_

I looked up at him and he was already looking at me, trying to see if I had any reaction. I sighed and typed back a reply,

_Okay, just come to my room when you're ready_

I slipped my phone back into my pocket, not bothering to wait for a reply and finished eating my food. Nick now decided it would be a good time to suggest, 'shots!'. I groaned internally, not in the mood to get drunk and wake up with a hangover. Plus, I wanted to be sober for whatever talk Clay wanted to have with me. He seemed to have the same idea, and declined the offer after I also said no. The others shrugged and George scurried out the room to get the shot glasses and whatever alcohol he could find.

They cheered when he walked back in with the items, immediately taking the shots. Clay and I smiled in amusement as we watched them. This is going to be a long night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Countless shots, a lot of dancing and a couple hours later, Laura, Nick and George were completely out of it. Arms wrapped around each other, swaying and slurring out the words to Don't Look Back In Anger. Clay and I were wheezing the entire time as we watched them get more and more drunk.

The night seemed to be over when Laura flopped down onto the couch, instantly passing out. George somehow stumbled out of the living room and crawled up the stairs to his bedroom, laughing to himself. Nick slung an arm around me, 'heyyyyyy bestie', he slurred. I cackled and wrapped my arm around his waist, a weak attempt at helping him to stand up straight, 'come on, lets get you to bed'.

Clay had the same idea and picked Laura up, all of us walking up the stairs. Clay obviously did this effortlessly, meanwhile I struggled to drag Nick's drunken body up the stairs.

I puffed out a breath when we reached the top, slightly proud of myself. 'Come on, big man', I panted out, very much out of breath. Nick giggled, hiccupping at the end.

I swung his bedroom door open and flopped him onto his bed with a grunt, thankful he was already wearing comfy clothes so I didn't have to change him. I tucked him in and placed a gently kiss on his forehead. Just as I was about to leave, his hand darted out and he grabbed my hand, pulling me back.

I laughed to myself, 'you good?'. Nick lazily nodded before mumbling out, 'remember what I said about Clay, if things go to shit I'll be here for you'. It was almost difficult to understand through the slurring and the muffling from his blankets. I nodded and before I moved to leave again, he added, 'if he's silly enough to let you go, then I'll marry you, don't worry'.

I rolled my eyes as he stopped me from leaving again, 'I'll love you just as much as he would, if not more'. I chuckled nervously, not really knowing if this was a drunken, stupid comment, or a declaration. _Then again, drunk words are sober thoughts._

I swiftly left the room before he had a chance to pull me back and beelined for my bedroom, leaning against the door when I had closed it. _What the fuck._

I closed my eyes, trying to clear my mind. Only a few minutes passed before a knock at my bedroom door startling me away from it and I took a deep breath as I opened it. Clay smiled slightly and I opened my door further, silently telling him to come in. 

We both sat on the floor, backs leant against my bed in silence. Clay broke the silence, 'you were looking at me when you were singing that song', he stated.

'Which song', I played dumb. Clay rolled his eyes, 'the second one you sang, when Laura went to get the food'.

I nodded, 'I did, good observation', I was still a little annoyed that he had been paying no attention to me. Of course I understood that he was spending his time with his girlfriend, but he lives with me and I'm one of his best friends - he should be spending at least a little time with me. He was spending time with Nick and George, so why not me?

'Did that song describe your feelings?', he asked. I thought for a moment, 'yes. Not all of it, but most of the lyrics summed it up I guess'. Clay nodded and we fell back into silence.

I shifted and lay down on the floor, staring up at the stick on, glow in the dark stars on my ceiling that were glowing in the moon lit bedroom. Clay watched me before following and laying down beside me.

I smiled and joked, 'we're in the stars', Clay laughed softly, 'we are'.

The familiar feeling of his fingers lacing into mine was welcomed with no hesitation. We lay there, holding hands and staring at the "stars".

'I hate the situation I'm in, I don't want to hurt anyone', Clay spoke quietly. I nodded, understanding. I might have given him a lot of shit, but he is in a difficult situation. He put himself in that position though.

He turned his head to look at me and I looked right back at him, the dim light from the moon and the stick on stars barely lit up his face, but I could see his features. He looked gorgeous. 'I want to kiss you again', he whispered.

I closed my eyes, it's not like we haven't kissed before. I squeezed his hand and nodded. He leaned over me and smiled gently as he placed his lips onto mine. I kissed back instantly, feeling warm inside. We slowly moved our lips together, not wanting to rush, just wanting to savour the moment. It wasn't until Clay hands found my hip and squeezed did I want more. I gasped in pleasure and he took the opportunity to slip his tongue into my mouth.

The kiss got more urgent, needy and I let out a small whine, wanting, no, _needing,_ more. Clay broke away, quickly sitting back up against the bed and pulling me into his lap so that I was straddling him. Our lips met again aggressively and my arms wrapped around his neck, pulling on his hair making him growl out a small moan.

One of Clay's hands rested itself on my ass, gripping it while his other hand snaked up and wrapped around my neck, gently squeezing. He used his hand on my ass to guide me into rolling my hips. I complied and the movement caused both of us to let out a quiet moan.

He applied more pressure around my neck and gripped harder on my ass. Okay then, if that's how you want it, big man. I bit Clay's bottom lip, pulling back slightly. His eyes almost rolled back and he gruffly moaned. The noise he made encouraged me to grind my hips down again, eliciting another noise from him. Laura was right, he wasn't vanilla. This guy liked being rough.

He kissed from my lips, down my jaw and onto my neck, moving his hand to give him more access. He found my sweet spot quickly and bit down, making me let out a shaky breath. He kept kissing and biting, 'don't leave a hickey', I warned. As much as I wanted him to mark his territory, everyone would question where it was from.

He continued to kiss and bite, but not as hard. He kissed back up my neck and met my lips again, pushing my hips down to make me grind down again. 

We were both becoming impatient, needing more of each other. We were aggressively touching, grabbing, kissing each other. Just as Clay's hand was about to slip into the waistband of my leggings, there was loud stomping outside the room, as if someone was stumbling around. We hastily pulled apart and shot up, Clay flicking the light on. I squinted and took in his appearance. His hair was messy, face flush and lips slightly swollen. He looked gone and I bet I looked the same.

The sound of gagging from the bathroom broke me from my trance and Clay rolled his eyes, 'That's Laura, I should probably go and help her'. I nodded and he placed a quick but aggressive kiss on my lips before disappearing into the hallway and into the bathroom to help his drunk girlfriend. As short as the final kiss was, I still wanted more.

I changed out of my leggings and shirt into an oversized hoodie. The same hoodie Clay first kissed me in. Smiling to myself, I flicked the light off and slid into bed, running my finger over my lips where his had previously been. I missed the feeling already.

The stupid smile didn't leave my face as I snuggled into my bed and let myself drift into dream land, thoughts of Clay dancing around my mind the entire time.


	12. Into you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Got everyone watchin' us, so baby, let's keep it secret
> 
> cw - smut 
> 
> \--------------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU ALL FOR THE FEEDBACK ON THE LAST CHAPTER!!! I REALLY APPRECIATE IT!!!!
> 
> ALSO! IM BACK IN COLLEGE NOW SO I APOLOGISE IF UPDATES ARE SLOWER THAN USUAL!!!! 
> 
> IM SO SORRY THIS CHAPTER IS SHORTER THAN THE OTHERS, I WANTED TO GET A CHAPTER OUT FOR YOU GUYS AND I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO ADD TO THIS CHAPTER!!!!!!!!!
> 
> \---------------

It's been a few days since mine and Clay's make-out session and it's all I can think about. The way his hands gripped my skin, the way he kissed my neck, the way he guided my hips to grind onto him. I want more, I _need_ more. And from the subtle looks he's been giving me, it's obvious he wants more too.

We were all sat around the island in the kitchen, engaging in small talk and eating breakfast. Laura had made pancakes for everyone so we were all in a good mood.

'George and I were thinking that all of us should go out today, maybe drive to the beach or something?', Nick suggested to anyone who was listening. Laura beamed and nodded instantly, 'I'd love to!'.

I cringed slightly at the thought, we lived in England, the beach would be cold, wet and windy and I don't feel in the mood for that. Clay nudged me gently and sent me a discrete look, 'I'm not feeling too good and I don't think being in the cold all day is going to help. I'll stay home, if that's okay', I feigned a frown.

Laura, who hasn't known me as long as the others nodded in understanding, 'that's completely okay! We'll miss you though'. Nick however, raised a suspicious eyebrow at me that I chose to ignore. We hadn't spoken about what he said when he was drunk, I was beginning to think he couldn't remember saying it.

Clay cleared his throat, 'yeah I'm gonna stay home too, the cold isn't really my thing'. Laura pouted, 'what are you gonna do then?'

There was a glint in his eyes that can easily be missed if you weren't looking for it, 'probably just make hot chocolate and watch Netflix'. She sighed but nodded again, 'okay, but don't skip ahead in the show we're watching', she firmly said, making the rest of us laugh.

'As a way to say sorry, Clay and I will cook everyone a nice meal to come home to', I smiled hoping to make up for the both of us bailing on them. The others smiled widely and agreed, Clay groaning in complaint.

'Let's get ready then!', Laura clapped her hands together and her, Nick and George all walked to their rooms to get ready. 

Once the room was empty, Clay quickly stood up behind me, swivelled my chair so that I was facing him and walked into the gap between my legs. I gasped at the speed this all happened in and before I knew it, he pressed himself against me and lowered his lips to my ear, letting out a low, shallow breath before whispering, 'the second they're gone, I'm going to fuck you until you beg me to stop'.

My face was quick to become hot and I clamped my legs shut, though I didn't get far considering he was still standing between my legs. He hummed, as if he was proud of himself at my reaction and sat back down next to me, going back to eating his pancakes just as George walked in, not long followed by Nick then Laura.

They were all wrapped up warm with hats, scarves and gloves and I smiled, 'awe! You all look so adorable!'. George rolled his eyes whereas a soft blush settled on Nick's cheeks. Laura walked to Clay and placed a gentle kiss on his lips, 'bye you two! Don't burn the house down while we're gone!', she waved as they all walked out the kitchen and to the front door.

Clay and I followed them and watched as they piled into the car, waving as they sped off down the road. I closed the door, locking it as Clay and I stared at each other for a second. He grinned almost menacingly and before I knew it, his hands were on my waist and his lips were on mine. We kissed passionately and he slowly walked us backwards until my back was pressing against the wall of the hallway.

He gripped my hips and slotting his leg between mine, his thigh pressing against me in the best way possible. I let out a shaky breath at the pressure and he used this time to push his tongue into my mouth. I slung my arms around his neck, tugging at his hair, eliciting a low growl.

We were both growing impatient as he began kissing down my neck, careful not the leave any trace of him behind. My breathing became irregular and I knew I was wet. I needed him.

'Please', I whispered. Clay smirked into my neck, 'careful what you wish for darling', was all he said before he effortlessly picked me up so my legs wrapped around his waist and he made his way to my bedroom. I took this chance to attach my lips to his neck as he carried us to the bedroom. He squeezed the area where his hands were on me, 'so impatient'.

We made it to my room and he practically threw me onto my bed, a grin etched onto his face. I moved up on the bed as Clay crawled closer to me, once again slotting himself between my legs. He rolled his hips, watching in fascination as my face contorted into a look of pleasure. He leaned back down and catch my lips with his, kissing me aggressively as he rolled his hips again.

He pulled away and shifted his way down so that he was knelt between my legs. My bottom lip caught between my teeth as he swiftly yanked my shorts and panties down. He stared at the sight in front of him, a look of hunger in his eyes, 'you're going to cum once on my fingers, then on my tongue and one more time on my cock, understood?', he didn't give me time to answer before his middle finger was circling my clit making me gasp.

He rubbed painfully slow circles and I bucked my hips. He used his other hand to push me back down onto the bed, 'is there something you want?', he asked with fake innocence. I glared briefly before letting out a breathy moan when he added more pressure, 'answer me', he demanded.

'Please', was all it took for him to push his finger into me, watching my face as I gasped out. He curled his finger once, twice and once more before slipping in another finger. I was embarrassingly wet, and judging by the way he watched his fingers glide in and out of me, he noticed it too. 

I moaned loudly when he curled his fingers just right, hitting the perfect spot. He smirked at this and did it again, and again...and again. He mercilessly fucked me with his fingers, not taking his eyes off me as if he wanted to witness exactly how he was making me feel.

I could already feel myself getting closer to my high and I gripped onto the bedsheets, 'gonna cum already? Pathetic', Clay taunted, adding more pleasure. His fingers moved quicker, chasing my high. The knot in my stomach got tighter and tighter, threatening to burst at any moment. The second Clay used to thumb to work my clit as well as fucking me with his fingers, was the second I gave in and let the euphoric feeling wash over me. I panted and moaned as he didn't slow his pace at all, sending me into the brink of overstimulation. The pleasure was overwhelming in the best way possible.

He stopped for a moment, giving me little time to recover before he lay on his stomach, wrapped his arms around my thighs and flattened his tongue against me. I choked out a moan at the already intense feeling and dropped a hand into his hair, tugging. He moaned at the feeling, sending vibrations through me, making me moan louder. Fuck he was good at this.

His tongue rolled and flicked against me and my back arched, pushing me further into him. He stared up at me and I felt him smirk when he saw just how gone I was. _Cocky bastard._

He pushed his fingers back into me, now using both his tongue and fingers to chase my high. I was going to cum again.

I tugged his hair again, trying to signal that I was close, but this only encouraged him more. He sped up his movements, the pleasure becoming borderline painful but I loved every second of it. My moans were loud and consistent, not bothering to be quiet because we were the only ones here. I could feel my orgasm building, almost ready to burst. Clay gripped my thighs, hard enough to leave bruises, but I didn't care, no one would be able to see my thighs anyway.

He pumped his fingers and flicked his tongue a final time before I cried out, 'Fuck- Clay!', and let my orgasm surge through my body, legs shaking at the feeling. Clay finally slowed his movements, guiding me through my orgasm. My voice was already becoming hoarse from how loud I had been, but I had no time to acknowledge it because Clay was already pressing his lips against mine again.

I could taste myself on his lips and I sighed happily. I was blissed out, too blissed out to realise Clay had pushed his joggers and boxers down, still kissing me. He bit my lip hungrily and I whined as he pulled away. 'Condom?', he said before kissing me again. I shook my head and spoke as he kissed down my neck, 'on the pill'.

The short conversation reminded me of me and Nick at my birthday party. Guilt washed over me at the thought of him but it was quickly shunned away when I felt blunt pressure against me. Clay looked at me for approval and as soon as I nodded, he pushed himself in.

We both moaned loudly and holy fuck, he was big. Adjusting to him was painful, but again, I loved it. I didn't want him to go slow, I wanted him to have his way with me. I wrapped my legs around him, pulling him closer before clenching around him. His head snapped up to look at me, a smirk mixed with lust and pleasure on his face, 'yeah?', he asked.

He understood and snapped his hips, pulling out the full length before pushing right back in. The pleasure was indescribable. I choked out a moan as his hips snapped rhythmically and hard. He dropped his face into my neck and deep, gruff moans filled my ears. Hearing him moan and the feeling of him filling me up made my eyes roll back. He kissed back up my neck, my jaw and back to catching my lips with his.

It was difficult to kiss whilst he was slamming in and out of me, so he rested his forehead against mine, both our mouths open as we moaned. He swallowed each sound I produced. The look of pure ecstasy on his face sent new waves of pleasure through me. Each stroke hit me at the perfect angle, 'fuck-, shit-', was all I could say, too far gone to form a real sentence.

'Such a perfect slut, you're doing so well', all I could do was moan in response to the encouragement. His moans were getting more consistent, deep and raspy. He was getting close, and so was I. I was going to cum for the third fucking time.

I clenched around him again and his hips stuttered for only a second before he pounded into me harder, 'you're going to cum on my cock', he demanded. I whined loudly as he snaked one hand around my neck, the other dropping to rub circles on my clit. The pressure of his hand around my neck made me feel like I was floating, bringing a whole new wave of euphoria.

His pace somehow sped up, his fingers moving faster on my clit and the pressure on my neck tightened. I felt my orgasm barrelling at full throttle. 'I'm gonna cum', I gasped out. Clay growled, 'cum on my cock, baby'. That was all I needed for my orgasm to release. I moaned the loudest I ever have and my back arched. The frenzy of emotions rushed through me and the feeling of me clenching around Clay made his hips fall out of rhythm. He choked out a moan and I felt him release, panting lowly.

He pulled out and flopped down next to me, pulling me to him. Our bodies were sticky with sweat but in this moment, I didn't care. All I cared about right now was the feeling of Clay and the way my eyes started to shut.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I shot up from my slumber, looking to the side of me to see Clay sound asleep. I shook him, making him groan in frustration but peel his eyes open, 'we fell asleep', I informed him.

He then shot up too, frantically looking for his phone. 'Shit, we left both our phones downstairs'. I sighed and I only just noticed that we were both naked, a deep blush spreading on my face.

He noticed my blush and placed his hand on my face, thumb gently rubbing my cheekbone. The moment was tender, but didn't last long. 'Let's shower quickly and then we can check the time', he said and helped me up, guiding us to the bathroom.

We showered surprisingly fast despite Clay's wandering hands and we hastily made our way downstairs to find our phones. I let out a huge sigh of relief to see we had only slept 2 hours and the other's wouldn't be back for a while. And then I remembered, 'shit, we still need to cook that meal'. Clay huffed in annoyance, 'can we not just order food?'.

I laughed at his laziness, 'no, come on, we said we'd do something nice. I think we kinda need to', I was referencing the situation and Clay pursed his lips in understanding. He nodded and we scavenged the kitchen for whatever ingredients we could find. I cheered when I realised we had what we needed for a chicken dinner.

Clay was completely clueless, the only best meal he knew how to make was pasta with sauce. I watched in amusement as he tried to cook the veggies (breaking the fourth wall here, I have no clue how to make chicken dinner so I'm sorry for this terrible description). I grabbed my phone and connected it to the speaker, shuffling my Spotify playlist.

We laughed and danced as we cooked, well I cooked while Clay was confused the whole time. I was putting the chicken in the oven when the next song blasted through the room and I slammed the oven door shut as I shouted out the words, _'I'm so into you, I can barely breath'._

Clay grabbed my hand and we jumped around, dancing as if it was the last day on earth, _'been waiting and waiting for you to make a move'_

We shouted and flayed ourselves around as we both sang the chorus of the song, not a single care in the world, _'so baby come light me up, and maybe I'll let you on it',_ I stared at Clay as I sang the next line, _'a little bit dangerous, but baby, that's how I want it'._ He grinned and pressed a kiss to my lips before carrying on dancing as I sang to him.

He smirked as I belted out, _'a little less conversation, and a little more touch my body, 'cause I'm so into you'._ We kept dancing and wheezing at Clay's terrible dance moves. I bopped my head to the beat as I carried on cooking the meal, singing just as loud as I was before.

Clay wrapped his arms around my waist from behind and swayed us as I sang, _'a little bit scandalous, but baby, don't let them see it'._ We both huffed out a laugh at the lyric, _pretty ironic._

The song came to an end and we both shouted out the last line, _'Cause I'm so into you, into you, into you'._

We stopped dancing for a brief second to catch our breathes before the next song played and we were dancing and singing again. I loved it. _I loved him._

The meal was almost done and I hadn't realised how long it had taken us to cook until there was loud laughter coming from the doorway. Laura, Nick and George were all watching me and Clay as we danced like idiots. I whipped my head to face them, blushing because we got caught but was smiling again when they joined in.

Whatever song had been playing came to an end and the three sat at the island. 'I present to you, chicken dinner!', I said as Clay placed the plates down in front of them, making them cheer. Clay and I sat down with our own plates and watched the others as they took the first bite. They all grinned and Laura was the first to speak, 'this is amazing! You guys did so well!', I beamed at her compliment but my smile faltered slightly when a nagging feeling of guilt pecked at my brain. _I just got absolutely railed by her boyfriend and now she's complimenting my food._

I took a bite of mine and sighed happily at the taste, 'we did good', I nodded, nudging Clay. 'I'm surprised, I thought Clay would've just ordered food', George stated. I snorted out a laugh, knowing that was exactly what he wanted to do.

'Clay cooking arc?', Nick laughed. I laughed along with him and we smiled at each other. 

Laura yawned loudly after she had finished her last bite, 'I'm so tired'. Clay scoffed playfully, 'it's only 7pm, babe'. _Babe._

She let her eyes close briefly from tiredness, 'I know, but we did lots of walking'. Nick and George nodded hastily, George adding, 'so much fucking walking'.

'How'd you even do that much walking? There's literally nothing to see', I asked, genuinely curious. Laura spoke up again, 'we just started walking and we didn't realise how far from the car we actually were and it took us like, 2 hours alone just to walk back'. Clay and I cringed at the thought, 'I'm so glad I didn't go then', I said, a distasteful look on my face.

Clay's hand subtly wrapped around and squeezed my waist, 'yeah, me too', he agreed. _I'm sure he is glad._


	13. Pacify her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You don't love her, stop lying with those words.
> 
> cw - very light smut
> 
> \-----------------------

'I have the week off work!', Laura cheered as she walked into the living room. Clay smiled slightly as she sat herself down next to him, slinging her legs over his lap.

'We should all do something together then?', George suggested. We all nodded and fell into silence as we thought about what we could do.

I gasped and clapped my hands together, grabbing the attention of the others, 'we should go on a road trip and stay in a cute log cabin!'. Laura sprung up from her seat, 'yes! Please can we!', she backed me up. The boys looked at each other, then at me and Laura before nodding in agreement. Laura and I jumped up and down in excitement, making the boys laugh.

'I'll go look for a cabin, if I find a good one we can leave later today', I didn't wait for a reply as I was already prancing out the room and towards my bedroom.

I sat at my desk, browsing the different log cabins. My door slowly opened and Clay walked in with two cups of tea. He handed me one and placed his on my desk. Clay put his hands on the edge of my desk and leaned forward to get a closer look at my laptop screen, 'there's three that I'm choosing from', I said.

Clay hummed and flicked through the three options as I sat back to drink my tea. He was close to me and from the way he was leaning on his arms, his muscles were very obvious. I gently bit my lip as I shamelessly stared from his biceps, down the veins of his arms, all the way to his hands. Oh my god, his hands. I gripped my mug harder and closed my eyes for a second. 

The thought of his hands made my clamp my thighs together. I felt him move closer and his lips brushed my ear, 'you're staring'. I blushed deeply, knowing I had been caught. I really need to be more discrete. Clay laughed lowly and pointed to the screen, his other hand placing itself on my thigh, inching higher and higher. My breath began uneasy and he spoke up again as if nothing was happening, 'we can all go to this one, it has a hot tub'. His voice dropped into a husky whisper, 'bring that red bikini I know you have'. Was all the said before he squeezed my thigh harshly and sauntered out of the room, subtle smirk on his face.

I audibly swallowed and shook the feelings away as I sent the link of the cabin to everyone for their approval. Everyone agreed and we all started packing for the week long stay.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

'Nudge me again, George, and we're gonna have issues', Nick warned George from the backseat. I chuckled to myself from the front passenger seat as Clay slid into the drivers seat. I had called shotgun earlier not knowing Clay would be driving but I'm definitely not complaining. 'George why are you even in the middle? Laura is smaller than you', I asked. George blinked as if he had just remembered, 'you're right', he nodded and hopped out of the car and waited for Laura to lock the door and get into the middle seat.

'We all have our own car apart from George and you, we all don't need to be squashed together in the same car', Nick grumbled to me. I rolled my eyes, 'it saves money on petrol, stop being so negative', I answered as Laura slid into the middle seat, followed by George.

'How long is the drive', Laura asked. Clay pulled up the address on his phone to use as a sat-nav, 'about 4 hours, depends on traffic though'. Nick groaned, 'it's gonna be like midnight when we get there, we should've waited until early morning tomorrow'. It was Clay's turn to roll his eyes now, 'dude, just stop complaining, it'll be fine'.

Clay began driving and I immediately reached forward to plug my phone in to play music, 'any recommendations?', I asked to whoever was listening. George opened his mouth to speak but I spoke before he had a chance, 'no? Perfect, my music it is then!'. George groaned as I shuffled played one of my playlists specifically for car rides.

Clay laughed, 'is this your car playlist?'. I furrowed my brows, 'yeah, how'd you know?'. He looked at me with a soft smile, 'I listen to it when I'm driving, you've got good music taste'. I blushed and looked down, muttering, 'shut up'.

The car filled with the beats of music and lyrics danced around us as we all sang along, laughing together. The vibes were good, the music was good, life was good. Laura laughed from the backseat, _well, almost good._

Clay got us onto the motorway without any issues and we were zooming down the road, not many cars in our way because it was kinda late. 'Did anyone bring anything to drink?', I asked. I wasn't really tired but I knew I needed a bit of a pick-me-up if I wanted to stay awake the whole car journey. I knew Nick and George would end up falling asleep and from the fact that Laura wasn't talking much told me she might fall asleep too, so I wanted to be able to keep Clay company.

'I didn't', George said quietly, the others nodding along too. I pouted and leaned my head back in my seat, 'we're close to the services, we can stop and get some food and drinks if you want?', Clay asked. I nodded quickly and within the next 10 minutes, Clay was pulling into the car park of the services.

We all hopped out the car and I made a beeline to the closest shop which happened to be WHSmith. I was at the fridge section looking for drinks when I felt a hand on my lower back and a presence next to me. Clay. 'Where are the others?', I noticed it was just us. 'Toilet break', he informed me as I grabbed a couple cans of monster and soft drinks. My hands were full and Clay quickly reached out to take them off me before any of them fell, 'thank you', I laughed.

I also picked up a book to read in case I got bored at the cabin and Clay gasped when we passed a small game section, 'shall we get these?'. He motioned his head to a pack of playing cards as well as Uno. 'Both of them?', I asked to which he nodded. I grabbed them both and we paid for our items before making our way back to the car where the others already were, their own bags of treats in their hands.

We all got back into the car and we were on the road again. Nick threw something over the seat to land into my lap, making me jump until I realised it was a packet of gummy bears. I danced in my seat with happiness, 'thank you!'. Clay wheezed out a laugh at my dancing and shook his head in amusement. I opened a can of monster and slowly sipped it as I ate my gummy bears, offering Clay one every now and then. Laura seemed to pay no attention to me feeding Clay gummy bears, too focused on a book she had brought.

The sound of Melanie Martinez filled the car and I gasped, 'I love this song!'. Laura seemed to perk up at the song and joined in singing. I angled myself so that I could see both her and Clay, not wanting her to feel left out. _'Tired, blue boy walks my way, holding a girls hand',_ we all sang. Nick was humming along and George was passed out, head resting against the window, his own headphones in.

We all smiled and laughed as we carried on singing but the deeper meaning of the song was becoming prevalent to me as we kept singing, _'Someone told me stay away from things that aren't yours. But was he yours, if he wanted me so bad?'_

I laughed as Clay and Laura shouted out the lyrics, Nick joining in too. George somehow didn't wake up at the shouting, _'pacify her, she's getting on my nerves'._ I subtly looked at Clay as I joined back in and I knew he was looking back, _'you don't love her, stop lying with those words'._ Laura was still singing, as happy-go-lucky as ever, Nick singing just as loud as her. Clay eyed me with a sort of guilty expression as I sang another lyric from the next verse, _'and loving her seems tiring. So boy, just love me...'_

I knew what the song meant, he knew what the song meant, and we both knew why I was singing it to him. We seemed to have a conversation with subtle looks and the deeper meaning was as evident as ever as the last line was sung by us all, _'you don't love her, stop lying with those words'._

Nick and Laura laughed to each other as the song ended whereas Clay's hands clenched around the steering wheel and he focused his eyes solely on the road in front of him, the action making the veins in his hands more prominent. I looked down at my hands before I got too flustered, assuming now wasn't the best time to be staring.

The songs kept playing and Nick and Laura carried on singing together while Clay and I sat in silence. I knew he felt guilty, I could practically see the emotion oozing out of him. I felt guilty too but part of me enjoyed it. We danced with the devil and we can't take that back.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We were about an hour away from the cabin and Clay and I had almost gone back to normal. Laughing, singing and joking. Laura and Nick had also fallen asleep so we were the only ones awake. I offered him some of my monster that I had opened not long after finishing my first one. He gladly took it and took a large sip. I watched the way he drank it, the way his throat moved as he swallowed, the way his hands made the can look small, the way he licked his lips after drinking it. I gently bit my lip but quickly shook my head in an attempt to calm myself. 

Clay looked at me and raised his eyebrow, humming when he saw the blush on my face. He glanced in the rear view mirror to see that everyone was definitely asleep before placing his hand on my thigh, the same way he did when we were looking for the log cabin, all traces of guilt had seemingly vanished. The weight of his hand on my thigh sent tingles through my body and butterflies erupted in my stomach.

He moved his hand higher and higher until he could brush his fingers against me. I let out a shaky breath as he applied the smallest amount of pressure, his eyes glancing from me to the mirror just to be on the safe side. He rubbed small, slow circles and I knew I had to stop him before he went too far. We couldn't risk anybody seeing us.

I took a breath to steady myself and whispered, 'not in front of them'. Clay fluttered his eyes closed before nodding in understanding. He retracted his hand but kept it resting on my thigh, neither of us wanting to lose the contact. 

The comforting feeling was short lived however as Clay snatched his hand back hurriedly when there was shuffling coming from the back seat and yawn. 'Are we there yet?', George's sleepy voice asked. Clay laughed to himself, 'not yet, like another 45 minutes to an hour'. George nodded and the three of us started up a conversation for the rest of the journey.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

'Oh my god', I moaned as I stretched my body once I was out of the car. We had just arrived and my whole body felt tight after being sat down for the majority of the car ride. Everyone else seemed to have the same idea as a cacophony of similar moans and groans were let out. 'I'm gonna need a massage at this rate', I joked, making the others chuckle and agree.

We grabbed our luggage, Nick being kind enough to grab mine too and we all walked into the cabin. My jaw dropped when I looked around. It was beautiful, even better than the pictures. 'Holy fuck', Nick said in awe.

It was homely and cozy yet spacious enough for the five of us. There was a fireplace for a real fire with logs in a basket next to it, blankets draped over the couch and a rug covering some of the wooden floor. I loved it. Laura walked up to me, beaming, 'you picked so good!'. I smiled back with just as much excitement, 'thank you!'. She didn't need to know _who_ actually chose it and _why_ they chose it. 

We walked around the first floor, taking in everything and figuring our way around. We reached the glass doors for the garden and I gasped when I saw the hot tub Clay was talking about. Laura gasped too, 'there's a hot tub? Oh my god this is amazing!'. I didn't miss Clay's subtle smirk and I shook my head at him, a playful smile spreading across both our faces.

'We can all go in it tomorrow, it's late now so we should all sleep', I suggested, feeling the effects of the caffeine wearing off. 

We all made our way upstairs and chose out our rooms, they were all a similar sizes so there was no fighting over who got what room. The bedrooms had a very 'dated' feeling about them, but they were beautiful still. A similar style of the living room. I closed my bedroom door and flopped down onto my bed, groaning when I realised Nick still had my luggage. I was too tired right now to go and get it and fully prepared to just sleep in the clothes that I was wearing.

I did have my bag pack with me though that had my necessities in like my phone charger and laptop. As I was plugging in my phone, there was a quiet knock at my door and Clay let himself in, pushing the door closed by not fully shutting it, indicating he probably wasn't going to stay long. 

He stood behind me as I straightened up, his hands going to my shoulders, 'how about that massage?', he joked. Well, I thought he was joking until he pressed down, giving me quite possibly one of the best massages I had ever had. I let out a soft sigh of pleasure. 'You're so tense', he observed. 'I'm sure you are too, given the circumstances', I replied. He sighed and dropped his hands, turning to sit on the edge of my bed. I followed and sat next to him.

'How are we going to go about this?', he asked. I thought for a second, I needed him to elaborate, 'what do you mean?'. Clay ran a hand through his hair, a habit he does when he's frustrated, 'I mean, with us. Where do we stand with each other? What do we do from here?'.

I chewed the inside of my cheek, 'I don't know', I answered truthfully. 'You know how I feel about you, and you know I'd drop everything for you. You just need to figure out if you'd do the same for me or for Laura', I added. From the comment Nick made a while ago, the answer seemed obvious, but from the way I could see how much he was thinking, it proved that it wasn't that easy for him.

'I've wanted more from you. In the past, I've acknowledged how good of a friend you are, and I thought I loved you like a friend. But living with you again, kissing you, touching you', his voice dropped low, 'fucking you, it has made me want more and-', he was abruptly cut off when the door swung open and an angry looking Nick was stood there with my luggage in his hand.

Clay's jaw clenched and he closed his eyes when Nick walked in and angrily shut the door behind him, 'you guys have fucked?', he spat.

'I-, well-, uhm-', I stuttered, not knowing what do say. Nick scoffed, 'I knew you guys had kissed, but fucking? Do you not remember the conversation we had?', he asked me. The conversation replayed in my head, his words echoing in my ears, _'if I catch you guys doing anything more than hugging, I'm gonna be pissed', 'She doesn't deserve this'._

I hung my head in shame as I nodded, 'yes, I remember'. Nick spoke up again, 'you're so lucky it was me who overheard this. You know full well if it was George he would've already told Laura'. I ran my hands down my face and I quietly spoke, 'Nick, please don't tell her', Nick and I looked right at each other, his face red with pure anger, and I spoke up again, my voice small, feeling intimidating by his intense stare, 'please'. His face softened slightly when he noticed my tone of voice.

He sighed and placed my luggage next to my bed before standing in front of us, 'You both should be thankful that I can't bare to see her face _when_ she finds out, so no, I won't tell her. But you know that if George finds out, he _will_ tell her, and I'm not going to stop him', he shook his head and pointed an accusing finger and me and Clay, 'I'm so disappointed in the both of you', was all he said before storming out of the room.

I sniffled as a tear fell down my cheek, 'he hates us', I whispered. Clay was quick to pull me into a hug, 'he doesn't, he's just upset with us right now. It's not a forever thing', he pulled away and wiped the tears from my face. 'Promise?', I asked. He held up his pinkie finger and smiled softly, 'pinkie promise'. I laughed through my tears and wrapped my finger around his before he stood up.

I stayed sat on the bed and he leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on my forehead, 'sleep well, sweetheart', he said before walking out and closing the door behind him. I found myself leaning into the space he just was for a split second. I shook my head and sniffled a final time as I unpacked my luggage and changed in my pyjamas.

I snuggled into the sheets of the bed, it was surprisingly comfy. My thoughts were full of Clay and Nick, hindering my ability to sleep. I didn't fall asleep for a few hours and the last thought that crossed my mind filled me with anxiety, _'I'm so disappointed in the both of you'._


End file.
